Dear Abby: Support husband’s desire to meet marrow donor
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DEAR ABBY: My husband of 28 years had a bone-marrow transplant, and six months ago he learned who his donor was. He now wants to meet up with the person. Turns out, it was a woman. I'm not usually a jealous person, but it's all he ever talks about every single minute of the day. He wants to meet her two hours from where we live. I am fine with it, but I'm tired of hearing how "great" she is. What can I do to keep the peace in my house? — WIFE OF A TRANSPLANT DEAR WIFE: Because of your husband's donor, you are a wife and not a widow. A step in the right direction would be to regard her as the person who saved your husband's life at a point when you could have lost him. Of course he thinks she is "great." Not everyone is willing to be tested to see if it's possible to BE a bone marrow donor. I think she is great, too. Please calm down. With the passage of time, your husband will not feel the need to speak about her as often. DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend booked a cruise with his ex-wife to celebrate their son's eighth birthday. They plan to share the same cabin. He has mentioned at least twice in the past that she wants him back, but now he denies having said it. I didn't expect him to pay for my ticket (I can afford it), but an invite would have been nice. I have included him in my children's celebrations and have stood by him through difficult times. I have yet to meet the ex, so there's no animosity between us. When I suggested separate cabins would be appropriate and affordable considering they had booked a suite, and two regular cabins are about half the price, he flat-out told me I'm not invited. He says this isn't about "us" but about his son, whom I get along with. I love this man and feel this isn't just about trust, although he has been less than truthful lately. I don't want to have to wonder what happened in that cabin when their son was asleep or at the kids' club or when they had a bit too much to drink. Am I unreasonable in thinking sharing such close quarters with an ex is inappropriate? Should I jump ship from this relationship? He clearly couldn't care less about my feelings. — WAITING AT THE DOCK DEAR WAITING: When parents separate, most children hope and pray they will find a way to get back together. If your boyfriend and his ex are sure that isn't going to happen, then it really isn't right to bunk together and get their son's hopes up only to be disappointed when the ship returns to shore. That this man acts like your feelings are irrelevant and isn't always truthful are huge red flags and do not bode well for your future if you continue with him. I don't know how much time you have invested, but if more of the same is what's in store, you'd be better off to cut your losses and bail. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby — Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.