Sure things at tonight’s Oscars: Ke Huy Quan, a slap joke, and In Memoriam outrage

Let’s see, the list of presenters for tonight’s Academy Awards includes Emily Blunt, Harrison Ford, Andrew Garfield, Samuel L. Jackson, Dwayne Johnson, Michael B. Jordan, Jonathan Majors, Elizabeth Olsen, Zoe Saldaña and Sigourney Weaver. Imagine if Jimmy Kimmel took the stage at the outset of the Oscars flanked by that group, and said:

“Good evening and welcome to the 95th annual Academy Awards. Behind me, we have Sgt. Rita Vrataski from ‘Edge of Tomorrow,’ Indiana Jones and Han Solo, Spider-Man, Jules from ‘Pulp Fiction,’ Black Adam, Adonis Creed, Kang the Conquerer, Scarlet Witch, Gamora and Ellen Ripley. There will be no slapping tonight.”

That would be one way to address the Will Smith Not in the Room, and there’s virtually no chance Kimmel won’t address last year’s ugly incident in his opening monologue — though the pressure on Kimmel to make some sort of defining statement/joke has been greatly alleviated after Chris Rock went gonzo on Will and Jada Pinkett Smith on his Netflix special last week. Kimmel’s good at reading the room, figuratively and literally, and surely knows most of us are feeling Slap Fatigue at this point and are more than ready to move on. Handle it with a joke or two, and let’s get right down to business.

With the actor, actress and supporting actress races still in question (it will be a huge upset if Ke Huy Quan doesn’t win supporting actor), there is some genuine suspense to be had in three of the four acting categories. As for best picture, “Everything Everywhere All at Once” has emerged as the overwhelming favorite and most likely will be the big overall winner for the night — but there’s still that outside chance the old school voting bloc will carry the day for “The Banshees of Inisherin” or “All Quiet on the Western Front.”

A few other sure bets and observations:

• Within three minutes of Kimmel taking the stage, some wags on social media will be saying he’s killing it, while many more insta-critics will voicing selective outrage while engaging in subtle commentary along the lines of, “WORST OSCARS HOST EVER! HOW DID THIS GUY EVER GET A JOB IN SHOW BUSINESS!”

It happens every year. No matter who is hosting and no matter how well they’re executing their duties, the tendency is for amateur and professional critics to be quick and harsh with their assessments. We tend to forget that hosting the Oscars isn’t like hosting “Saturday Night Live” or other entertainment programs where the audience is primed to laugh, and the host will have multiple opportunities to win them over. When you’re hosting the Oscars (or any other major awards show), you get 5-10 minutes at the start to deliver a monologue or go for something more ambitious, e.g., Billy Crystal’s musical montages back in the day. After that, you’re a glorified traffic cop, sometimes disappearing from the stage for long stretches of time, only to reappear just long enough to crack one joke and introduce the next duo of presenters. It’s a thankless job, which is the primary reason so many major comedic talents reportedly have turned it down through the years.

• At least one winner and probably one presenter will make some sort of political statement, most likely about the war in Ukraine.
• According to the wagering site BetOnline, the odds are -160 that at least one winner will be bleeped out during their speech, meaning you’d have to bet $160 to win $100 on this happening. That’s a good bet. Somebody always curses.
• Five seconds after the In Memoriam segment, we’ll see folks on social media railing about various recently deceased Hollywood figures who didn’t make the cut. Show business is one gigantic audition, even after you’re gone.
• For the first time in more than 60 years, the Oscar’s traditional red carpet has been replaced by a champagne-colored carpet, and I think I speak for many of us when I say, “That’s the same color my aunt had in her split-level in the 1970s!”

My favorite quote about the champagne-colored carpet was in a Sandy Kenyon story that quoted WWD Style Director Alex Badia as saying, “What we’re going to see on the champagne color carpet on Sunday is going to have a global impact and, therefore, such a big moment for fashion. It’s the biggest moment for fashion still today, the No. 1 carpet in the world.” Yes! It’s that kind of understatement that makes us love the Oscars.