Sarah Palin hits “Saturday Night Live”

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UPDATE…Complete script at the bottom of the post.

WASHINGTON–Sarah Palin and look alike Tina Fey, dressed like twins, crossed paths for a moment in a skit on NBC’s “Saturday Night Live” but did not engage in any schtick.

In a second appearance–much more funny– Palin, a one-time sportscaster, sat in with “Weekend Update” anchors Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers as Poehler did a wicked rap complete with Eskimo back up dancers, a Todd Palin impersonator and a dancing moose.

Poehler did what supposed to be Palin’s part because the Alaska governor was worried about the satire crossing a line.

“I’m Jeremiah Wright cuz tonight I’m the preacher. I got a bookish look and you’re all hot for the teacher…….”When I say Obama, you say Ayers,” Poehler as Palin rapped.

The first sketch opened with Fey, portraying Palin, holding her “first official press conference.” As Fey is at the podium–saying she is excited about being in front of the “liberal elite media as well as the liberal regular media” –and then proclaiming she was about to do “some fancy pageant walkin,'” –the scene cut to “SNL” boss Lorne Michaels with Palin.

Palin and Michaels are watching Fey portray Palin on a television at NBC’s Rockefeller Center studios.

“I really wish that had been you,” Michaels said.

“Loren, you know, I didn’t think it was a realistic depiction of the way my press conferences would have gone,” said Palin, who has yet to hold a formal press conference since John McCain tapped her to be his running mate. Both McCain and Palin have been beating up the mainstream media.

Yes, but it obviously is a heightened reality,” Michaels said.

“Why couldn’t we have done the “30 Rock” sketch that I wrote,” Palin said, referring to the hit show Fey stars in with Alec Baldwin.

“Honestly, not enough people know that show,” Michaels said.

With that set up, a little later, Baldwin shows up and mistakes Palin for Fey, who doesn’t let on.

Baldwin goes on and on about how Michaels can’t let Fey go on with Palin, “that woman. She goes against everything we stand for. I mean Good Lord, Loren, they call her whats that name…

“That would be Caribou Barbie,” Palin says. “Thank you Tina….you want her, ‘our Tina,’ to go out there and stand there with that horrible woman. What do you have to say for yourself.?”

“Alec, this is Gov. Palin.

“Hi there.

“Forgive me, but I must say this. You are way hotter in person.”

Yes, but it obviously is a heightened reality,” Michaels said.

“Why couldn’t we have done the “30 Rock” sketch that I wrote,” Palin said, referring to the hit show Fey stars in with Alec Baldwin.

“Honestly, not enough people know that show,” Michaels said.

With that set up, a little later, Baldwin shows up and mistakes Palin for Fey, who doesn’t let on.

Baldwin goes on and on about how Michaels can’t let Fey go on with Palin, “that woman. She goes against everything we stand for. I mean Good Lord, Loren, they call her whats that name…

“That would be Caribou Barbie,” Palin says. “Thank you Tina….you want her, ‘our Tina,’ to go out there and stand there with that horrible woman. What do you have to say for yourself.?”

“Alec, this is Gov. Palin.

“Hi there.

“Forgive me, but I must say this. You are way hotter in person.”

From NBC…..

GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN MAKES LONG-AWAITED “SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE” APPEARANCE,

LEADING A CELEBRITY-PACKED EPISODE FEATURING HOST JOSH BROLIN, ALEC BALDWIN,

TINA FEY, OLIVER STONE AND MARK WAHLBERG

New York, NY – October 18, 2008 – After weeks of speculation, Vice

Presidential candidate, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin made her “SNL” debut

tonight, shouting the program’s signature opening line: “Live from New York,

It’s Saturday Night.” Palin appeared as herself in the opening sketch of the

show, alongside executive producer Lorne Michaels, surprise guests Alec Baldwin

and Mark Wahlberg as well as her SNL doppelganger, Tina Fey.

The sketch imagined a Palin press conference (conducted by Fey’s Palin) while

the actual Governor Palin watched from backstage with Michaels, only to be

interrupted by an irate Mark Wahlberg, looking for cast member Andy Samberg (who

lampooned the star on October 4) as well as Fey’s Emmy winning “30 Rock” co-star

Alec Baldwin who mistakes the Governor for Fey.

In addition to the opening, Palin appeared on the show’s “Weekend Update”

feature, where she declines to do a piece which co-anchor Amy Poehler performs

in her place — a hardcore rap to the American people.

Alongside the Palin appearances, Wahlberg confronted Andy Samberg about his

October 4 sketch “Mark Wahlberg Talks To Animals” and host Josh Brolin, in

addition to performing in numerous sketches demonstrated the finer points of

playing President George W. Bush in his monologue (featuring a cameo by the

“W.’s” director Oliver Stone).

The opening sketch is below:

JASON SUDEIKIS – “Good evening, I’m Tim Lydecker Sarah Palin’s spokesman and

we’re very excited to be holding the Governor’s first official press conference.

Now tonight, nothing is off-limits while at the same time, I urge you guys to

‘be cool.’ Seriously guys just be cool. And one last thing: no recording

devices and don’t write anything down.”

(Gathered “reporters” react)

SUDEIKIS – “Worth a shot. Can’t blame me for trying. Without further ado, I

present Governor Sarah Palin.”

(TINA FEY enters as GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN)

FEY AS GOV. PALIN – “First off, I just want to say how excited I am to be in

front of both the liberal elite media as well as the liberal regular media. I

am lookin’ forward to a portion of your questions, so let’s get started. Yes,

you?”

FRED ARMISEN (as reporter):

“What were your thoughts on Senator McCain’s debate performance Wednesday?”

FEY AS GOV. PALIN —

You know, I just thought he was great. Because the American people are angry.

And John McCain is angry too. And you can tell he’s angry by the way he sighs

and

grits his teeth and he’s always goin’ like (MAKES FACE AND GROWLING NOISE). And

that Barack Obama? Well if he’s angry, I certainly can’t tell. His voice is

smooth and when he’s talkin’ it’s like an angel whispering in your ear. He

makes John McCain sound like a garbage truck unloading trash at a landfill. So

to answer your question, yes, I think John McCain did great. You guy?

WILL FORTE (as reporter) – “At a rally in North Carolina this week you said that

you like to visit the quote pro-America parts of the country. Are there parts

of the country that you consider un-American?

FEY AS GOV. PALIN – Y’know , that was just my lame attempt at a joke. But um,

yes – New York, New Jersey, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Delaware and California

(SHE GIVES A THUMBS DOWN). But then also too you have states like Ohio and

Pennsylvania and Florida which could be real real anti-American or real real

pro-American. It’s up to them. (SHE winks) And now I’d like to entertain

everybody with some fancy pageant walkin.’

(CUT TO: “SNL” Executive Producer LORNE MICHAELS and the real GOVERNOR SARAH

PALIN standing next to a monitor watching the scene)

MICHAELS – “I really wish that that had been you.”

GOV. PALIN – “Well, Lorne, you know, I just didn’t think it was a realistic

depiction of how one of my press conferences woulda gone.”

MICHAELS – “Yes, but it’s obviously it’s a heightened reality.”

GOV. PALIN – “Why couldn’t we do the ’30 Rock’ sketch I wrote?”

MICHAELS – “Honestly, not enough people know that show.”

(MARK WAHLBERG ENTERS)

WAHLBERG – “Hey, Lorne?”

MICHAELS – “Mark!”

WAHLBERG -I’m looking for Andy Samberg. Where is he?”

MICHAELS – “Mark, that was all in good fun.”

WAHLBERG — “Are you gonna make me bust your head open too? Because I will.

Where is he?”

MICHAELS – “Third dressing room on the left.”

MW – Thank you

(WAHLBERG storms off)

MICHAELS — He didn’t like the impression we did of him on the show.

GOV. PALIN – “Tell me about it.”

(ALEC BALDWIN enters)

BALDWIN – “Hey Lorne. Hey, Tina. Lorne, I need to talk to you. You can’t let

Tina go out there with that woman. She goes against everything we stand for. I

mean, good Lord, Lorne, they call her…what’s that name they call her? Cari …

Cari — what do they call her again, Tina?”

GOV. PALIN – “That’d be Caribou Barbie.”

BALDWIN – “Caribou Barbie. Thank you, Tina. I mean this is the most important

election in our nation’s history. And you want her, our Tina, to go out there

and stand there with that horrible woman. What do you have to say for

yourself?”

MICHAELS – “Alec, this is Governor Palin.”

GOV. PALIN – “Hi there.”

BALDWIN – “I see. Forgive me, but I feel I must say this — you are way hotter

in person.”

GOV. PALIN – “Why thank you.”

BALDWIN – “I mean, seriously. I can’t believe they let her play you.”

GOV. PALIN – “Thank you, and I must say that your brother Stephen is my favorite

Baldwin brother.”

BALDWIN – “You are a delight. Now come, let me take you for a tour of the

studio. You know, I’ve hosted the show … how many times, Lorne?”

LM – 175 times.

(THEY walk away, the scene cuts back to the press conference)

FEY AS GOV. PALIN – “To answer your question – y’know I don’t worry about the

polls. Polls are just a fancy way of systematically predicting what’s gonna

happen. The only pole I care about is the North Pole and that is melting…it’s

not great.

(BALDWIN walks on stage and whispers in FEY’s ear)

FEY AS SELF

“What? The real one? Byeee!”

(FEY walks off stage, passing PALIN as she exits)

GOV. PALIN – “Thank you. Now I’m not gonna take any of your questions but I do

want to take this opportunity to say Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!!!”

Palin’s almost rap number follows:

MEYERS – “And now, here to clear up some misconceptions about her campaign, Vice

Presidential Nominee Sarah Palin.”

GOV. SARAH PALIN – “Thank you Seth, Amy. And thank you for the chance to come

out here. But I’ve been thinking it over and I’m not going to do the piece we

rehearsed.”

MEYERS – “But you were so good at it.”

GOV. PALIN – “I know. It was really fun. But my gut is telling me this is a

bad idea for the campaign.”

MEYERS – “Are you sure?”

GOV. PALIN – “Yes, after a lot of thought. I think it might just cross the

line.”

MEYERS – “Ok, well…in that case, Amy, do you want to do Governor Palin’s part

instead, Amy?”

POEHLER – “I guess I could give it a try…”

MEYERS – “Do you remember it?”

POEHLER – “I kinda remember it … (IN HARDCORE RAP DEMEANOR) 1. 2. 3…”

(A Beat kicks in)

“MY NAME IS SARAH PALIN, YOU ALL KNOW ME,

VICE-PREZZY NOMINEE OF THE GOP,

GONNA NEED YOUR VOTE IN THE NEXT ELECTION,

CAN I GET A WHAT-WHAT FROM THE SENIOR SECTION,

MCCAIN GOT EXPERIENCE,

MCCAIN GOT STYLE,

BUT DON’T LET HIM FREAK YOU OUT,

WHEN HE TRIES TO SMILE,

CUZ THAT SMILE BE CREEPY,

BUT WHEN I’M V.P.,

ALL THE LEADERS IN THE WORLD GONNA FINALLY MEET ME,

(FRED ARMISEN & ANDY SAMBERG enter as ESKIMOS)

POEHLER — (contd)HOW’S IT GO ESKIMOS?TELL TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW ESKIMOS!HOW YA

FEEL ESKIMOS?TELL TELL ME WHAT YOU FEEL ESKIMOS! SAMBERG/ARMISEN —

ESKIMOS!ESKIMOS!ICE COLD!SUPER COLD!

EHLER –

“I’M JEREMIAH WRIGHT CUZ TONIGHT IM THE PREACHER,

I GOT A BOOKISH LOOK AND YOU’RE ALL HOT FOR TEACHER,

(The camera cuts away to Meyers and Gov. Palin enjoying themselves)

(JASON SUDEIKIS enters as TODD PALIN and stands next to POEHLER)

TODD LOOKING FINE ON HIS SNOW MACHINE,

SO HOT FOR EACH OTHER, NEED A GO-BETWEEN,

IN WASILLA, WE JUST CHILL BABY CHILLA

BUT WHEN I SEE OIL, IT’S…”

ALL — “DRILL BABY DRILLA!”

POEHLER –

“MY COUNTRY TIS OF THEE,”

FROM MY PORCH I CAN SEE,

RUSSIA AND SUCH.”

ALL THE MAVERICKS IN THE HOUSE, PUT YOUR HANDS UP,

ALL THE MAVERICKS IN THE HOUSE, PUT YOUR HANDS UP,

ALL THE PLUMBERS IN THE HOUSE, PULL YOUR PANTS UP,

ALL THE PLUMBERS IN THE HOUSE, PULL YOUR PANTS UP,

WHEN I SAY OBAMA,

YOU SAY AYERS,

OBAMA!

SAMBERG/ARMISEN –

“AYERS!”

POEHLER –

“OBAMA!”

SAMBERG/ARMISEN –

“AYERS!”

POEHLER –

“I BUILT ME A BRIDGE AND IT AINT GOING NOWHERE!

OOOOOHHHHHHHH.

MCCAIN/PALIN

GONNA PUT THE NAIL IN

THE COFFIN… OF THE MEDIA ELITE”

SAMBERG/ARMISEN –

“SHE LIKES RED MEAT!”

(A MOOSE ENTERS)

POEHLER –

“SHOOT A MUTHA HUMPIN MOOSE EIGHT DAYS OF THE WEEK,

NOW YOURE DEAD

NOW YOURE DEAD

CUZ I’M AN AMINAL, AND I’M BIGGER THAN YOU

HOLDIN’ A SHOTGUN, WORKIN’ THE PUMP

Everybody party, we GOING ON A HUNT

LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA

YO I’M PALIN I’M OUT!

(AMY, SUDEIKIS AND SAMBERG/ARMISEN EXIT AS SNOW FALLS)

MEYERS – “I think you made the right decision not to do that.”

GOV. PALIN – “You betcha.”

“Saturday Night Live” is from SNL Studios in association with Broadway

Video. The creator and executive producer is Lorne Michaels. Steve Higgins

produces. Marci Klein and Mike Shoemaker are producers. Seth Meyers is head

writer. Don Roy King directs.

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