Little sizzle on ‘Dancing’ floor

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Week two of “Dancing with the Stars” played out pretty much as expected, while the season continues to be one of the most boring in the show’s history. You can see it on the judge’s faces. You can see it on the faces of the pros. You can see it on many of the competitors’ faces, too. Are a lot of the folks trying WAY to hard to look like they’re having a good time?

The leaders from week 1, Kristi Yamaguchi and Mario brought the house down on this night, with scores of 27 and 26, respectively, locking them in for the top two spots on the leaderboard heading into Tuesday night’s double-elimination round.

Gotta hand it to Priscilla Presley who continues to surprise with her ability to move around a dance floor. Her mambo looked as good as her cheetah-print, off-the-shoulder dress (though it brought back memories of Wilma Flintstone for a fleeting moment). Shannon Elizabeth was a stunner in her 1940s-inspired silver gown and a rousing quick step that thankfully injected some much needed excitement on the night. Score: 24. Monica Seles looked fabulous in her spangly mini dress, but couldn’t manage to inject any rhythm or life into the mambo. Score: 15. Don’t feel too bad for her; she’s busy penning her memoir and “Dancing” will be a lovely chapter, I’m sure.

The night of no suprises featured a flat-footed Penn Jillette stomping his way through the quick step. His voodoo doll of judge Bruno Tonioli backfired big-time as the magician ended up with a paltry 17 points on the night, and ended up tripping up the stairs during his walk-off. Adam Carolla was equally unimpressive during his mambo, and no amount of verbal back-pedalling could erase his calling judge Carrie Ann Inaba “Mitch” last week. Hint: he didn’t exactly say “Mitch.”

Marissa Jaret Winokur was bubbly as ever, but smartly toned down the wattage earning an impressive 21 points for her quick step. Marlee Matlin continued her winning form with a nicely danced quick step that had too much mambo in it for the judge’s taste. She scored a 24. Cristian de la Fuente was on fire during his quick step, though the ludicrous speed of his movement across the dance floor prompted judge Len Goodman to utter the quip of the night: “That was faster than wind from a duck’s bottom.” Oh that wacky British sense of humor!

When it came to footwork, Steve Guttenberg gave Penn Jillette a run for his money. He also proved once and for all, that no man, save for John Travolta, should ever dance on the big screen or small, in a white suit. Ever. “This show makes the world a better place,” Guttenberg uttered with unabashed awe. Too bad it can’t make his dancing abilities better. Score: 16.

Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinska were among the highlights of the night, with a sizzling mambo that earned them 27 points from the panel of judges. But it wasn’t enough to earn second place overall. That was reserved for Mario who danced one of the most energetic quick steps of the night earning a score of 26 (his two-week combined score was 50 compared to 49 for Taylor Jason and Edyta).

Oh, for the record, Karina Smirnoff managed to wear less clothing than Edyta Sliwinska. But Edyta’s tan was deeper. In case you were wondering.

Tuesday night, one man and one woman will be sent home. Based on the first two weeks of competition, Monica Seles and Adam Carolla should be hanging up their dance shoes by the show’s end.

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