He probably offended you: Man’s family didn’t hold back in writing his obituary

Tim Schrandt, possibly the orneriest man in Iowa, has died after a short battle with cancer, which, his obituary notes, he did not technically lose.

“When he died, the cancer died, so technically it was a tie!” the obituary reads. “He was ready to meet his Maker, we’re just not sure ‘The Maker’ is ready to meet Tim.”

Schrandt, a citizen of the small, northeastern Iowa town of Spillville – population 351 – “made his last inappropriate comment” on March 29 at the age of 63.

“If you are wondering if you may have ever met him, you didn’t – because you would remember,” his obituary states. “For those of you that did meet him, we apologize, as we’re sure he probably offended you. He was world renowned for not holding back and telling it like it is.”

Born in the middle of a pack of eight children, Schrandt quickly established himself as “king and orator.” At St. Wenceslaus school in Spillville, where on at least one occasion, he got into fisticuffs with a nun.

After serving in the army, Schrandt spent over 30 years working at the Stanley Black and Decker in Decorah as a tool-and-die maker. He spent his professional life surrounded by “many friends and ‘a bunch of morons.’”

“A common line in obituaries is ‘He never met a stranger,’” Schrandt’s obituary reads. “In Tim’s case, he never met a rule he couldn’t break, a boundary he couldn’t push, a line he couldn’t cross and a story he couldn’t stretch.”

“Despite his crusty exterior, cutting remarks and stubbornness, there is actual evidence that he was a loving, giving and caring person.”

Schrandt’s funeral was Thursday morning at St. Wenceslaus Catholic Church in Spillville, a funeral director there said. Efforts to reach the family later in the day were unsuccessful.

Read more at usatoday.com.