Classic Royko: The new rich move in

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The Metropolitan Opera orchestra and soloists. | File photo

Editor’s note. This Chicago Daily News column by Mike Royko was included in his 1968 collection “I May Be Wrong, But I Doubt It.”

The Metropolitan Opera peacefully integrated its top-society box seats for last week’s opening night.

The evening was the talk of the international society because the old, established rich had to give up some of their exclusive box seats to some of the newly rich.

OPINION

The newly rich got the seats for the first time because they contributed new money to build the new opera house.

Although many of the old rich appeared tense or a bit stiff, there were no reports of violence.

The inside story of the peaceful move-in is told here for the first time.

Much of the credit belongs to the secretly created Metropolitan Opera Human Relations Commission.

It was formed months ago and did hush-hush work behind the scenes, breaking the news to the old, established rich that the newly rich would be sitting with them.

In an exclusive interview, Dugood Deeds, the commission’s director, explained the agency’s role.

“Our job was mainly educational. We had to break down the fears and prejudices of the old rich and keep them from panicking and running to the movies instead of the opera.”

Was it a difficult thing to do?

“Not really. Most of the old rich are decent, law-abiding, peace-loving people. But like everyone else, they were afraid. You must remember that many of the old rich have never seen a new rich. They had many false notions.”

Such as?

“Well, Mrs. Barry Doe Deeply III was typical. She thought they were all former used-car dealers and would try to sell her something on an easy-payment plan during intermission.”

How did you educate them?

“We formed human relations ‘teams,’ as many suburbs have done, to go have quiet talks with the old rich; to explain that the opera integration is inevitable.”

The teams were made up of clergymen, I suppose?

“A clergyman, yes. Also a banker, a polo player, a stockholder, a hairdresser, a tennis instructor and a Hungarian nobleman.”

They went door-to-door in the neighborhood?

“No. The old rich don’t all live in the same block. Or country. We had to dash around the world a bit.”

Where?

“We found Finlay Mustymoney on his yacht in the Mediterranean. When we told him about the planned move-in he was so upset that he threw a cabin boy over the side.”

He refused to cooperate?

“At first. But after we assured him that none of the newly rich had a bigger yacht or wanted him to marry their daughters, he was quite reasonable. He even sent a small boat to look for the cabin boy.”

Then yacht size was a big objection?

“Not in every case. Some of the old rich feared the presence of the new rich would depreciate their property — such as money.”

How?

“Mrs. Vanderocker was particularly upset. She said she didn’t trust new money. She thought she would lose the little nest egg her great-great-grandfather, Avaricious P. Vanderocker, worked so hard to set aside when he cornered the world market in food, clothing and medicine.”

What did you tell her?

“We showed her some new money. At first she covered her eyes and refused to look at it. She said we were worse than pornography peddlers and threatened to call the DAR. But finally she peeked and was quite surprised to find that it looked just like her money.”

That eased her fears?

“Not really. It upset her to know that other money looks like her money. She asked us if FDR caused that, too. But she agreed to the new opera seating when we promised her the newly rich would not wear their money or toss it to people on the main floor.”

So most of the fears were economic?

“No. Some were simply afraid the newly rich wouldn’t know how to act at an opera. Mrs. Mary Wizely, Jr., thought they would clap too much or act like they were enjoying themselves and embarrass their neighbors. I remember her saying: “Those people have too much rhythm.'”

She refused to attend?

“No. She was quite agreeable when we told her that the newly rich don’t like opera any more than she does.”

Your work seems to have paid off. There were no incidents?

“Just one. After the first act, everyone was shouting ‘Bravo, Bravo’ — except Mr. I. M. Solvent. We had to talk to him.

He was booing?

“No. He was shouting, ‘Old power! Old power!'”

Send letters to letters@suntimes.com.


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