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Gruber, Ebola, tea party make Dingell’s holiday jingle

Retiring Rep. John Dingell, R-Michigan, the man who has the best Twitter account in Congress, released his annual holiday jingle on Buzzfeed, and as usual, it’s a gem.

He manages to hit all the major points, including Jonathan Grube, Ebola, Eric Cantor’s loss, and his recent fall where he fractured a hip — and of course, his confusion over what the heck’s a Kardashian?

Here’s the jingle, in its entirety:

‘Twas just days before Dems lost control of the Senate
Handing over the reins to whoever’s left in it.
But amidst all the partisan clanking and clatter
Thought I’d write you a poem and highlight a few matters
Looking back on my career and the year in reflection
For I’m hanging it up, after 30 elections.

The last two years proved to be both a challenge and treat:
Became the longest-serving member! Shared a stage with Meryl Streep!
Earned the Medal of Freedom! Even passed legislation!
All this in the face of Congressional stagnation.
And though Congress moved slow, in its usual fashion
My one question remained: what the heck’s a Kardashian?

But at 88 years old, balance gets a bit awkward,
I hurt my hip in a fall, and ended up at the doctor.
On the mend, I’m recovering for at least a few weeks
But I’m still working hard, via phone calls and tweets
Keeping up with my people, finding ways to say hello
I figured out Google Glass. But does anyone still use Ello?

From Gruber to Ebola, I’ve survived this year’s banter.
Think the Tea Party’s dead? You should ask my friend Cantor.
Cruz’s latest ploy backfired, ushering through nominations
Like a new Surgeon General, and a head of immigration
Made our Cabinet stronger, reaffirmed our world power
If Ash Carter doesn’t work, well there’s always Tim Howard

And so our nation must make an important decision
One that’s certain to split us, and unearth deep division
We’ll dissect every word, every small thing they say
‘Til we finally learn: Was it Adnan or Jay?
And, oh yeah, there’s that one other decision we face
Of who will enter, and win, the 2016 race

So the election’s now upon us, and amidst all the hintin’
There’ll be a line of new choices [and a Bush, and a Clinton]
As folks “actively explore,” and throw their hats in the ring
We must look at their records, and the experience they bring
As for me, I’ve never been one to create a big scene
So Happy Holidays to all, DINGELL 2016!