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Couch Slouch: Well, so much for schedules

The Olympics and Major League Baseball have had their timetables thrown out of whack by the coronavirus pandemic

The International Olympic Committee was forced to postpone the Tokyo Games for a year because of the coronavirus outbreak.
The International Olympic Committee was forced to postpone the Tokyo Games for a year because of the coronavirus outbreak.
Behrouz Mehri/Getty Images

Have you ever tried to reschedule an Olympic Games? Sure, many of us have postponed weddings — and there are at least two I should have canceled completely — but those are much smaller affairs to manage. The Olympics? That’s got to be the biggest event in the world, even larger than an Easter-egg hunt on ‘‘Duck Dynasty.’’

Meanwhile . . .

Have you ever tried to push a Major League Baseball season back into the autumn and winter? It’s a scheduling and logistical nightmare (too many games to fit into too tight of a calendar), pitchers and fans won’t like the weather and, of course, the Astros’ video equipment might freeze over.

So International Olympic Committee and MLB officials, used to waking up around noon before strolling to the bank with those oversized checks usually reserved for Publishers Clearing House winners, now are scrambling to get their money trains back on track.

I guess the IOC had the less difficult task: It simply plopped the 2020 Summer Games in Tokyo into the same time frame in 2021.

Ah, if it were only that easy.

So many factors — housing, venues, food services, security, vendors, et al. Do you know how many sporks have to be reordered for the Olympic Village commissary? Those babies just disappear. Sporks are always the first item to walk out of the supply closet.

Heck, rebooking flights — airline change fees alone will kill you — is a financial strain.

It’s a massive jigsaw puzzle, and every piece must fit. There are 25 or 30 sports, plus golf. You can’t just say: “We’re all good schedule-wise, except for swimming. Swimming doesn’t work that week, so we’ll drop swimming.’’

NBC, naturally, still will be there to televise the 2021 version of the 2020 Summer Olympics, but that still leaves a 7,777-hour gaping crater in its schedule July 24 to Aug. 9.

Sadly, NBC only has three viewable properties: the Olympics, ‘‘The Voice’’ and ‘‘America’s Got Talent.’’ And, sure, America’s got talent, but I don’t know if my beloved, beleaguered homeland has enough talent to fill all the network’s needs.

As for MLB, it is contemplating a lot of less-than-optimal options.

There is still a glimmer of hope for a June 1 or July 1 start, with the possibility of playing initially at empty stadiums. So it would be your typical Opening Day for the Miami Marlins.

MLB might use spring-training parks in Florida and Arizona, quarantining the teams in those areas and operating with no crowds until the pandemic allows otherwise.

In any compacted scenario, every day is precious, which means doubleheaders are back, baby! I assume they still will be separate admissions because, even though baseball fans will have no money, the 1 percent still needs to make up for lost yachting and penthouse revenue.

Speaking of which, super-agent Scott Boras — FYI: ‘‘super-agent’’ here is a euphemism for ‘‘uber-wealthy’’ — floated a proposal, and because he negotiated ONE BILLION DOLLARS worth of player contracts this offseason, he has considerable financial interest in this.

Boras wants a summer start and, when the temperatures drop in the fall, points to 11 stadiums that are domes or warm-weather sites in which postseason games could be played. He envisions a neutral-site World Series, with Game 6 being played on Christmas.

Christmas? The NBA’s holiest day? Wow. Maybe they should play Game 7 in Bethlehem.

Various models have 162-game, 144-game or 100-game seasons. Or — here’s a thought — they could just skip to the postseason directly. Have Joe Lunardi seed the teams 1 to 30, then engage in autumnal March Madness. Call it September Insanity!

My solution? Play the entire season on Strat-O-Matic Baseball. There would be no weather worries, and the Astros can’t steal signs.