“I don’t think it’s hard to say goodbye to Jay … to be honest.” – Kristin Cavallari, talking to a producer of “Very Cavallari” before she heads to L.A. to cover the Oscars.
Steaks on the grill! Men bonding over red meat and talk of vasectomies!
And then everything takes a sobering turn.
In Episode 5 of “Very Cavallari,” Kristin heads to Los Angeles for a few days to cover the Oscars for E!, leaving husband Jay back home in Nashville, where he continues to do almost nothing in spectacularly “Don’t care!” fashion.
While K-Cav is in Hollywood, on the go every minute while hosting a luncheon for influential bloggers and promoting her Uncommon James brand and trying on dresses and doing a podcast with Heidi and Spencer and Facetiming with her children and working for E! and reconnecting with old friends, Jay is chilling in Nashville — rocking the backwards baseball cap, keeping the activities to a minimum and exerting such little effort that if he was wearing one of those fitness-tracking watches, it would be setting off alarms asking if he’s still conscious.
One night in Nashville, Jay hosts an awkwardly staged backyard BBQ for a group of buddies. As the giant chunks of steak cook on the grill, Jay tells them about the country house he and Kristin have purchased and says, “Throw some chickens in there, a couple of goats. I’ve been looking at Nigerian dwarf goats.”
Turns out one of Jay’s friends has a goat guy, and can help him with that.
“This is getting out of hand!” says another buddy.
Eh. Is it?
We also learn Jay has had a vasectomy. One of the guys asks if Kristin forced Jay to undergo the procedure.
“I think that’s illegal,” says Jay — and then we cut (so to speak) to Kristin, who says she pretty much DID force Jay to have a vasectomy: “I pushed three babies out of the old hoo-ha, so that’s the least Jay can do.”
The educational BBQ discussion of vasectomies reaches its nadir when Jay jokingly (we hope it’s jokingly) says to his best friend, who is gay: “Guys can’t get guys pregnant?”
• • •
Episode Five kicks off with Kristin packing for L.A., and Jay asking, “Where you going?”
“I’m going to L.A., you know that,” replies Kristin.
Yes. One would imagine they’ve discussed that, given they have three small children.
After Kristin describes her itinerary, Jay says, “Full schedule,” not bothering to stifle a yawn. He offers to drop in on the Nashville store to check on the team while Kristin is away.
“You’re so busy, I hope you can fit it into your schedule,” cracks Kristin.
“I know,” says Jay. “It’s a struggle.”
Cut to L.A., where K-Cav tells a close friend her sex life with Jay has never been more fulfilling, because Jay recently read an article in GQ about, being, um, more selfless, and “it’s been a game-changer.”
Oh great, say Bears fans. Finally Jay is thinking about his receiver as much as himself.
• • •
Jay’s other big activity while Kristin is in Los Angeles is dropping in on the Uncommon James store in Nashville and offering some halfhearted advice and criticism to the employees before he bails.
Not that Jay actually bothers to sell the concept. We don’t believe for a second Jay really has a hand in the day-to-day planning of the store, or that anyone is taking his advice to heart.
The most dramatic development on Episode Five is also the most unsettling. One of the featured players on the show feels sick for four straight days. She eventually takes a pregnancy test.
“This isn’t Pinterest, this is your life,” says a friend.
At this point along the reality television timeline, I guess we shouldn’t be surprised someone would allow cameras to record the moment when she finds out if she’s pregnant, and talks about how her parents and her boyfriend will react.
“OMG! You’ll Never Guess Who is Pregnant on ‘Very Cavallari’ ” is the headline from E! News.
Sorry. I don’t have any jokes about that.
Did no one think it might be a little jarring to feature a scene where a bunch of guys are laughing it up about vasectomies in the same episode where a woman learns if she’s pregnant?
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