‘Very Cavallari’ makes hay of Jay Cutler’s new life on the farm

We all remember Smokin’ Jay Cutler.

The talented, sometimes maddeningly inconsistent, polarizing quarterback who spent eight of his 12 NFL seasons with the Bears and appeared to have mastered the art of sleeping with his eyes open while sporting fashionable suits and carefully styled hair in his post-game press conferences.

Forget about Smokin’ Jay Cutler, that’s so 2015! Now it’s all about Farmin’ Jay Cutler, the surprise breakout star of the reality series “Very Cavallari.”

That’s right: Farmin’ Jay. As in, trying to get chickens to lay eggs. And like that.

Judging by the advance look I was given of the season two premiere (debuting at 9 p.m. Sunday on E!), looks like Farmin’ Jay Cutler will once again have an All-Pro season.

He’s the Kramer of the show. Every time he pops in, we know the laughs are coming.

As much as I respect Kristin Cavallari (“The Hills”) for her business acumen, her social media skills and her undeniable talent for attracting media attention, I can’t say I would have been all DVR’d up for K-Cav’s return to reality TV without the Jay Factor.

You’re saying I’ll have a chance to see the enigmatic, media-averse former QB at home in unscripted (cough-cough) situations? Sign me up, coach.

Season One of “Very Cavallari” did not disappoint. Even though Jay didn’t have nearly as much screen time as Kristin or even K-Cav’s circle of gorgeous, semi-vapid, dentally impressive friends and/or co-workers, he stole the show with his camo outfits, his stated intent to pretty much do nothing post-football while his wife ran around every day like a punt returner, and his sardonic wit.

To quote a tequila-infused Kristin in Episode Six of Season One, “I f—— love Jay Cutler, that m———–!”

In the first season, we learned intimate details about Jay adding a new — um, shall we say — formation to the romantic playbook, and we followed the saga of Kristin opening the brick-and-mortar Nashville store for her Uncommon James brand of, um, stuff, and we followed the romantic ups-and-downs of a number of K-Cav associates. And of course there was lot of reality-TV drama, with drinks flowing and parties happening, and confrontations featuring a level of yelling and crying most people experience maybe once in a lifetime, if ever.

Cutler’s presence attracted crossover attention, with sports bloggers and others, e.g., me, who normally wouldn’t be writing about reality TV turning in weekly recaps and joining the chorus of commenters on Twitter and Instagram.

Season Two picks up with Kristin, Jay and their three children living on the “farm” aka a really nice farm-style house sitting on an expansive property, about 30 miles southwest Nashville. (According the Variety, the couple shelled out a total of $5.5 million for the “luxuriously appointed hobby farm” and some 45 acres of land.)

To their credit, the Cutler-Cavallaris are once again keeping the kids off-camera. “Very Cavallari” is all about Kristin’s business ventures, the soap operas involving her associates — and of Jay meandering through life like a giant kid who has been given the day off from school.

Every day.

The Uncommon James brand has blown up, going from four employees to 55. (As is often the case with reality TV shows, it’s kind of a chicken-and-egg deal, so to speak. Is the show merely reflecting the success of the business — or is the business thriving in large part because of the show? Answer: B.)

The show continues to identify Cutler with graphics saying, “JAY, KRISTIN’S HUSBAND.”

As Jay prattles about the farm in a camo outfit, baseball cap backwards, Kristin wobbles out in leather pants and stiletto heels, saying, “I hate you right now.”

And off we go.

Jay says with K-Cav’s business is taking off, maybe he could get an allowance?

“When you were playing football, I didn’t get an allowance,” says Kristin.

“I gave you a credit card,” retorts Jay.

Oh right. Whoops.

(Programming note: Cutler made more than $110 million over the course of his NFL career. Nobody needs an allowance.)

Cut to the Uncommon James store in Nashville, which is bustling with activity. (Kristin is launching a line of “Little James” clothing for babies and children. Prediction: It will be a smash hit.)

Jay shows up wearing a denim jacket, stocking cap and khakis and triumphantly announces, “I found a parking spot!”

Good for you, Kramer.

There’s big drama involving a certain employee of Uncommon James and I’ll just leave it at that, and let’s get back to Jay and Kristin, discussing how Jay might have been a little bit of a ladies’ man, which Jay denies, before he met K-Cav and instantly knew she was the one.

“Jay, you had to change your cell phone number after you met me,” Kristin reminds him.

“I don’t remember that, that doesn’t sound like me,” says Jay, and we don’t believe Farmin’ Jay, not for a second.