Ask the Doctors: As the COVID-19 pandemic wears on, take time for self-care

Dear Doctors: I’m a mom of three great kids and have always been healthy. But, after eight months of working from home, being the teacher and keeping everything going, I’ve started getting sick. It feels like I’m failing. Can being stressed out make you physically ill?

A. Even before the pandemic upended everyone’s lives, the division of labor among working spouses was lopsided. These days, we’re asking moms to do more than ever. On top of the usual workload, we’ve added a daunting list of pandemic-driven tasks. These include supervising remote learning, keeping kids engaged without access to friends, extended family or their usual activities and working to keep everyone safe and healthy.

We’re switching tasks and roles multiple times a day, if not hour. Each shift of focus eats into reserves of energy and endurance that, no matter how hard you try, are finite. That you’ve made it this far before feeling like you might fall apart is a tribute to your strength and determination.

It’s not possible to manage a workload this large long term. Not only have the demands of parenting during the pandemic led to widespread anxiety and exhaustion, particularly among moms and women of color, the resulting stresses are affecting health. In our practices and among our friends, we’ve seen an increase in health problems including headaches, colds, migraines, upset stomachs, hair loss, eczema flares, insomnia, anxiety, panic attacks and depression.

It sounds counterintuitive when caring for children and a spouse, but one of your priorities has to be self-care. We can’t fully give to others if we’re not well ourselves.

Start small, with at least a 10-minute break every hour — time just for yourself. Do 10 minutes of deep breathing alone in the bathroom, 10 minutes of meditation with your bedroom door locked, a solo 10-minute walk around the block. Try outsourcing some chores to the kids, even the youngest ones, and try to be OK with results that are less than fabulous.

Involve the whole family in talking about the challenges they’re facing and in finding silver linings. It really does help to count your blessings, even when they seem few and far between. Others are struggling with problems much bigger than our own. And, yes, Zoom is weird, but it’s important for mental and emotional health to stay connected to family and friends.

This pandemic won’t last forever. We’ll return to a more normal world. So focus on the big picture. Children won’t remember the details of this time. They’ll remember how the home felt.

Dr. Eve Glazier is an internist and associate professor of medicine at UCLA Health. Dr. Elizabeth Ko is an internist and assistant professor of medicine at UCLA Health.