Dear Abby: Woman ends our 30-year friendship after I stop her from driving drunk

Reader is inconsolable after BFF refuses calls and stops their children from playing together.

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DEAR ABBY: I am heartbroken over the loss of my best friend of more than 30 years. “Barb” and I met in college. We live and are raising our families in the same city and are godmothers to each other’s children. My children and hers have grown up together and are best friends.

My friendship with Barb ended abruptly about six months ago at my daughter’s wedding. Barb had a lot to drink at the reception. When she was ready to go home, my son and I walked out with her and quietly told her we would give her a ride home. Barb was adamant about driving herself home, although we knew she was too drunk to get there safely.

We eventually had to physically take away her keys so she couldn’t drive herself. This was done away from the party so as not to make a scene. Barb finally agreed, but during the drive she announced that our friendship was over. I assumed she would call me in the next couple days, embarrassed about her behavior, and everything would be good again.

Instead, she wants nothing to do with me or my family! She has forbidden me or my children to enter her house and won’t answer my phone calls. I have never known Barb to be spiteful, and I’m confused about her behavior. I know if the situation happened again, I still wouldn’t let her drive drunk. I care too much about her and her children to let her take that risk. Do you think there is any hope for a renewed friendship? — INCONSOLABLE IN ILLINOIS

DEAR INCONSOLABLE: No, I do not. You were worried because your friend could have caused an accident, injured herself or someone else or been arrested for DUI. Under the circumstances, you did the right thing, and Barb should be grateful instead of punishing you for your good deed. She owes you an apology. For your own sake, take a step back. The ball is in Barb’s court, and you can’t make her stop dropping it.

DEAR ABBY: I’m in a relationship with a beautiful, smart, funny woman. She has made me want to become a better person. She’s the love of my life, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. But she has a problem: She steals from storage units, taking other people’s personal belongings, memorabilia and valuables that they worked and saved for over who knows how many years.

I cannot stand a thief. It makes me furious when she does this. I have threatened to call the police, tell her family or leave her to try to get her to stop. It’s caused so many problems between us. I’m at the end of my rope. I don’t want to lose her, but I can’t watch it anymore. What should I do? — TURNED OFF IN TEXAS

DEAR TURNED OFF: Is this “beautiful, smart, funny” woman stealing for profit or because it’s an impulse she can’t resist? If it’s the latter, she needs professional help. If it’s the former, then realize that if the authorities get wind of it and you live together, you would both be accused of possession of stolen property, which is a crime. The best thing you could do for both of you would be to insist she get professional help before moving to further this relationship.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Good advice for everyone — teens to seniors — is in “The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It.” To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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