Don’t sing us these songs, Piano Man: The 10 worst Billy Joel songs

In honor of the Piano Man’s gig at Wrigley Field tonight, we offer up the 10 worst songs of Billy Joel’s catalog.

And there are tickets still available. For good reason.

Related:

Slate: The Worst Pop Singer Ever

Salon: Billy Joel kind of hates “We Didn’t Start the Fire”: “One of the worst melodies I ever wrote”

10. Piano Man

Hey bro, while it’s the greatest night of your life, the rest of the bar doesn’t need to hear it.

9. Only the Good Die Young

Wu-Tang.

8. Uptown Girl

We all can’t summer in the Hamptons.

7. Innocent Man

Guilty.

6. The Longest Time

It’s just too happy. And dumb. And “Happy” is better. There, we said it.

5. She’s Always A Woman To Me

How did you get a date?

4. Big Shot

More like big loser.

3. Tell Her About It

Please don’t. She doesn’t need to hear it.

2. It’s Still Rock and Roll to Me

Is it? Is it, really? In a Poison sense of rock ‘n’ roll.

1. We Didn’t Start the Fire

Let it burn.

And because it’s difficult to whittle down his songbook to just 10, here’s an honorable mention:

Scenes From an Italian Restaurant

Sometimes snails and duck liver is a better bet.