DEAR ABBY: I am a 28-year-old woman who has decided, after 11 years and 50-plus partners, to become celibate. A couple of friends have attempted to get me to break my vow. These men know how they make me feel, and I am finding it difficult to stay away from them. Although I have stopped spending time with them, I still feel the urge to be with them. So, do you have any advice on how to stay strong? It’s been one month, and I plan on staying this way until I get married. — TRYING TO STAY CELIBATE
DEAR TRYING: Old habits are hard to break, but as you already know, it can be done. An effective way to do that is to replace the habit you’re trying to change with some other activity. Right now, it’s important for you stay busy. Consider increasing the amount of exercise you do each day, doing projects around your home, filling your time by volunteering, etc. If you do, you’ll have less time to dwell on what you’re “missing.” This is not to say that your sex drive will go away, but it will help you to better control it.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend’s son, “Matt,” just turned 21, but he looks 16. He has just announced that he’s moving in with a 50-year-old woman — the mother of a friend of his. I feel very uncomfortable about the idea of welcoming her into my home and making conversation as if they are a normal couple. His father and I are the woman’s age. I don’t believe Matt has told his mom or his siblings yet. He’s quickly losing friends over this awkward situation. I’m usually of the mindset to “live and let live,” but here I am tested. It feels creepy. What is the proper way to handle this? — UNEASY IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR UNEASY: Handle this by withholding judgment and waiting to see how the romance plays out. Matt may look 16, but at 21 he’s an adult and capable of making his own decisions about his love life without “help” from his father’s girlfriend. Matt’s lady friend may be a very young 50 and Matt may be a mature 21. Having met neither of them, I can’t judge. And neither should you, so stay out of the line of fire, or the romance that suffers may be your own.
DEAR ABBY: Last week a girl I knew in high school 10 years ago had a surprise baby. She went to the ER with stomach cramps and found out she was in labor. Mom and baby are doing fine, but now they are throwing an “emergency baby shower.” I rarely speak to this girl. Why should I be expected to get a baby shower gift for her? — MYSTIFIED IN MICHIGAN
DEAR MYSTIFIED: The baby shower is being given because your old high school chum needs things for the child she wasn’t expecting but who arrived anyway. Should you be “expected” to provide a gift? No. But if you did, it would be both generous and kind of you, and I can guarantee that it would be sincerely appreciated.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order “How to Be Popular.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)
