Dear Abby: I’m a mom worried about my husband’s motorcycle interest

Fearing for his safety, she tells him about her anxiety but feels bad about discouraging his hobby.

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DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have three children, and I feel really lucky to be able to stay home with them. I appreciate how hard my husband works so that I can do this. Our kids are young, so we are in a somewhat tedious season of life, without a lot of rest. But it’s just a season, and it’s already going by so fast.

Recently, my husband became interested in motorcycles and bought a nice vintage one. I was fine with it because he rides it only in our neighborhood, and it isn’t very fast. I understand he needs an outlet and I want him to have a hobby, but I wish it wasn’t motorcycles.

He now wants to buy a “real” motorcycle he can ride on the highway. I think motorcycles are dangerous, and I would be absolutely devastated if anything happened to my husband. I shared my feelings with him, and he said he would hold off on buying another one right now. But he often watches videos of motorcycles, and I feel bad for squashing his dream. Am I overreacting about the danger? I just think it’s irresponsible when we have a young family and so much at stake. Plus, I love him with all my heart. — SCARED OF SPEED IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR SCARED: I understand your concerns, and they are not unfounded. There are risks involved in motorcycling. However, there are motorcycle clubs for adults who love to ride, whose members wear appropriate clothing and helmets and ride as a group, which lessens the risk. Regarding the risks faced by irresponsible motorcyclists, I will never forget the response I received from the director of an organ donation network years ago when I asked who he thought was the “ideal” organ donor. He didn’t hesitate and replied, “A 19-year-old male on a motorcycle.”

DEAR ABBY: My husband has a friend I’ll call “Penny.” They have known each other for decades and are very close. Penny is married to a wonderful man.

Recently, Penny got in touch with her high school prom date, “Gary,” and they had lunch. Things got steamy, but they stopped before doing anything too physical. In need of counsel, Penny told my husband all the details. Now, out of the blue, we have received a birthday party invitation for Gary to be held at Penny’s home.

My husband and I feel uncomfortable meeting him for the first time in this way because we are good friends with Penny’s husband. Should we go to the party and play dumb, or send our regrets, as we have no desire to meet this man at all? — PARTY POOPER IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR PARTY POOPER: No rule of etiquette decrees that you must accept every invitation you receive. If you would feel uncomfortable at the party, send your regrets.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Good advice for everyone — teens to seniors — is in “The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It.” To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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