Look, it won’t kill us to at least try to look on the bright side: The Bulls have an 80% chance in Tuesday’s NBA Draft Lottery of making a lot of people in Orlando, Florida, very happy.
See? Was that so hard?
It didn’t work for me, either.
The Bulls have merely a one-in-five shot — 20.3%, technically — to move into the top four of the draft and actually get to keep their first-round pick. Otherwise, it’ll go to the Magic pursuant to the trade-deadline deal that brought All-Star big man Nikola Vucevic to Chicago. And that will be about as fun as watching the Bulls go down by 20 in the first quarter only to claw back and lose by seven. Is it just my imagination or does that describe pretty much every game last season?
One in five? That’s the Bears’ success rate at beating Aaron Rodgers.
One in five? That’s even lower than Dennis Rodman’s career three-point percentage of .231.
But wait a minute. We mustn’t forget how things worked out in 2008, when the Bulls had a 1.7% chance to move up from No. 9 all the way to No. 1 and — boom — hello, Derrick Rose. And just last year, they had a 32% chance to move up from No. 7 into the top four and — boom — hello, Patrick Williams.
So maybe, just maybe, they luck into Cade Cunningham, Jalen Suggs, Jalen Green or Evan Mobley after all. One in five? Shoot your crazy shot, Dennis.
Here’s what’s happening:
Islanders at Lightning, Game 5 (7 p.m., NBCSN)
This series is 2-2 thanks to Isles D-man Ryan Pulock, who scored the game-winner in the opener and scrambled to block a potential tying shot headed for a wide-open net with 2.7 seconds left in Game 4. Who does he think he is, Denis Potvin?
Indians at Cubs (7:05 p.m., Marquee)
It’s off the injured list and into the fire for Adbert Alzolay, who goes against 10-game winner Aaron Civale. For those of you scoring at home, 10 wins by June 21 is a whole lot.
NBA Draft Lottery (7:30 p.m., ESPN)
One in five? That’s like hoping you get Michael and not Jermaine, Tito, Jackie or Marlon.
Clippers at Suns, Game 2 (8 p.m., ESPN)
Still no Chris Paul for the hosts? Still no Kawhi Leonard for the visitors? The West finals are drunk with intrigue.
Canadiens at Golden Knights, Game 5 (8 p.m., NBCSN)
The Habs are alive with the sound of massive series upset possibility. And there aren’t many better sounds than that, folks.
“Real Sports With Bryant Gumbel” (9 p.m., HBO)
You think the Cubs’ COVID-19 vaccination status is a problem? Dive into the International Olympic Committee’s efforts to promote vaccinations of thousands of athletes in the midst of a global shortage.
White Sox at Pirates (11:35 a.m., NBCSCH)
Will blunders never cease? Dylan Cease takes the bump for the last game of a nightmarish road trip and tries to save a shred of the Sox’ dignity.
Euros: Portugal vs. France (2 p.m., ESPN, Univision)
It’s must-win time — well, for France, must-at-least-tie time — as these desperate top-five national teams collide in the final match of group play. Bonus: Portugal’s Cristiano Ronaldo and France’s Kylian Mbappe might be the two most fun-to-watch dudes on the planet.
FC Cincinnati at Fire (7 p.m., Ch. 9)
It’s the Somebody’s Gotta Win Bowl between the two worst teams in the Eastern Conference. If that doesn’t tickle your fancy, what will?
Hawks at Bucks, Game 1 (7:30 p.m., TNT)
After Games 1 and 2 against the Nets in the conference semis, the Bucks’ goose appeared to be cooked and coach Mike Budenholzer was basically toast. Now they’re eight wins from a parade.
Sky at Liberty (6 p.m., Ch. 26.2)
Hey, at least somebody’s still playing games at Barclays Center. It’s the second of two at the Liberty for a Sky team that’s rolling. Funny how things have a way of working out better with Candace Parker than without her.
Cubs at Dodgers (9:10 p.m., Marquee)
The champs rolled into Wrigley Field for three games in early May and — whoa — got swept. Let’s hope they forgot all about it.
Mariners at White Sox (7:10 p.m., NBCSCH)
A seven-game homestand starts tonight for a team in need of a good pick-me-up. Perhaps a few fireworks displays would do the trick?
Racing Louisville at Red Stars (1 p.m., Paramount+)
The visitors were outscored 8-3 over their first five games, but give them a break — it’s their debut season. In other words, save the “Disgracing Louisville” jokes for next year.
Cubs at Dodgers (6:15 p.m., Fox-32)
The Cubs began this series with a record of 3-10 at Dodger Stadium, playoffs included, since 2016, but let’s focus on the positive. Is there a positive?
Mariners at White Sox (1:10 p.m., NBCSCH)
Hey, look which Chicago baseball team isn’t on national TV again. The Sox will have to settle for trying to win a home series against the M’s for the first time since 2016.
Cubs at Dodgers (6:08 p.m., ESPN)
The first time the Cubs saw Clayton Kershaw this season, they chased him from the game after one inning — the shortest outing of his career. Not to tell manager David Ross how to do his job, but he might want to go with the same game plan.