Dear Abby: I am worried about how my 10-year-old son, “Jake,” will take some news he’s not aware of yet. I wasn’t able to have children, so my husband and I turned to in-vitro, using a donated egg from a family member. We thank God this method worked.
Our plan was to explain it to Jake when he got older, once he understood about the birds and the bees. Now I am starting to get this fear that he will be very upset when he learns about it and be angry with us.
I don’t want him to go into a depression over it. What should we do? Should we wait like we planned? Should we have told him already? Or should we say nothing?
— Mom in Chicago
Dear Mom: Not knowing Jake, I can’t gauge his level of maturity. I’m not sure why being told how special he is, and how grateful you and your husband are to be his parents would send him into a depression. But because you think it might, discuss this with a child psychologist before talking to your son. Please don’t put this off, because if other family members know about the egg donation, it is only a matter of time before the cat will be out of the bag, and it’s better that Jake hears this information from you.
Dear Abby: I am a 23-year-old woman in grad school, and I have noticed something about my male friends. Whenever they meet a new girl, the first comment out of their mouths is about her looks. Then they will expound at length on her physical assets (or lack thereof).
Abby, it makes me furious. Not only does it make me feel self-conscious about my own body, it also makes me angry that these talented, charming and outgoing girls are judged first by their cup size.
Is there anything I can say to my friends to make them amend their behavior? Or am I being overly sensitive and need to accept that this is a “guy thing”? Thanks for your input.
— Objectified in Omaha
Dear Objectified: It’s a guy thing. That they talk this way in front of you may indicate that they consider you “one of the guys.” Since it bothers you, speak up and suggest they knock it off. If you do, it may jar them back to reality.
Dear Abby: My wife and I would love your take on a disagreement we’ve had since we were married. It’s the age-old question, “So, where did you two meet?”
We met abroad at a university exchange program and were introduced to each other by our school sponsors in the bar where all the students hung out. We shook hands, exchanged greetings and I left right afterward.
I answer the question by saying, “We met in a bar.” My wife says, “We met in university.” Who’s right?
— Bar None? in Texas
Dear Bar None: You both are, but have you never heard the adage, “A happy wife makes for a happy life”? My advice is to stick with her version.
To receive a collection of Abby’s most memorable — and most frequently requested — poems and essays, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby — Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.
