Dear Abby: One drunken comment ends 8-year friendship

DEAR ABBY: I have been friends with “Janet” for eight years. We have been very close, talk often and go to lunch three times a month. We are like two peas in a pod and have always been honest with each other. Our relationship is open and aboveboard.

On a recent holiday, I went to her house for a party, got drunk and made an inappropriate comment to one of her friends, who had also had too much to drink. Janet called me out in front of the others, demanded I apologize, told me that what I had said was disrespectful, and said she doesn’t want to see me again. Abby, she tossed out an eight-year friendship over one comment. I don’t understand. Do you? — STUPID GUY OUT WEST

DEAR GUY: Not knowing what you said, I can only guess it was so far off the charts that you offended not only the person to whom the comment was directed, but also Janet and the other guests at the party. She may have reacted the way she did because you have done similar things in the past. You will have a clearer understanding if you talk to her about it when you call to apologize.

DEAR ABBY: What can I do about my boss? I have worked at a bus company for 23 years. My new boss started six months ago. He jokes and laughs with all the other ladies in the office, but when it comes to me, he’s all business. He talks to me only about things that are work-related, and when I try to talk to him about anything else, he gives me a forced grin and walks away. Any suggestions? — FEELING LEFT OUT

DEAR FEELING: Your new boss may be intimidated because of your seniority and experience. It may also be because of your age. I am unsure of his reason for treating you differently, but your next move should be to have a talk with your boss to express your feelings about this.

DEAR ABBY: Would you like to know how my mom reduced the stress of Thanksgiving on our family?

My siblings all live locally, so holidays became more and more complicated as they tried to plan around both sides of the family and start family traditions of their own with their kids. Mom solved the problem by moving our Thanksgiving celebration to the Sunday before. That way we had Saturday to prepare, didn’t have kids asking all morning when we were going to eat and didn’t have to compete with a football game. Mom put the turkey in the oven on Sunday morning before we went to church, and an hour after we got home it was ready to eat.

My folks and single siblings let people know they were available on Thanksgiving Day and were invited to the homes of other family or friends. As Mom grew older, the gathering became a potluck and other relatives were invited, including the in-laws who were not available on Thursday. — CARRYING ON THE TRADITION

DEAR CARRYING ON: You mention your mother in the past tense, so I assume that she is no longer with us. If she were, I would ask you to please tell her for me that her solution was brilliant.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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