DEAR ABBY: My husband, who has a beautiful head of dark curly hair, decided to let it grow. It is now about halfway down his back. Sometimes he braids it or pulls it into a ponytail. Other times he wears it down and it falls loose.
The problem is, I can’t bear to look at him. He has always been clean-cut and had short hair. But as time has gone on and many of his friends have begun losing their hair, he says he wants to grow his out while he can.
I know that in the grand scheme of life, hair shouldn’t be an issue, but I can’t seem to get past this. I think it’s because of the way he used to look. I can’t talk to him about it because he really likes his hair. This feels like MY problem, but how can I deal with it? — TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING
DEAR TOO MUCH: If you can’t look at your spouse because his flowing tresses are a turnoff, this must be affecting many aspects of your marriage. Although he likes his hair long, if you address it in those terms he may be willing to listen. However, just as women should be free to wear their hair the way they want, the same should apply to males. P.S. I’m surprised his friends want to hang around with a walking reminder that they are follicly challenged.
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I went to a Mexican resort with five other couples for a seven-day vacation. On the second day, one of the wives, “Sandra,” received the news that her sister “Kate” had died unexpectedly. The funeral would not be held until two days after we returned.
Sandra’s husband was furious at the family member for calling. What did they expect her to do, hop a plane?
We were all affected by Sandra’s loss. The first two days all five couples were having a ball. After that call it was like someone popped the balloon; it was never the same for any of us.
Some of us feel they could have waited until the last day before calling, although I personally think they should have waited until she got home. Sandra and Kate were completely dissimilar and not close. Even Sandra said, “Well, at least I had two good days of vacation.” Should the family have waited? — DISGUSTED IN WISCONSIN
DEAR DISGUSTED: It depends, I think, upon the dynamics in the sisters’ family and to what degree Kate’s death was a shock to everyone. When death happens out of the blue, people sometimes react emotionally rather than rationally, which may be why the relative called immediately.
I agree with the friends who said the sad news could have been conveyed on the last day of the trip. Had Sandra been told immediately upon her return home, she might have been grateful. On the other hand, she also might have been furious, saying, “How could you keep this from me!?”
That said, in my opinion it would have been kinder to let Sandra and her husband enjoy their holiday, since it was already too late to rush to the sister’s bedside.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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