Dear Abby: Woman she wants already has a man

SHARE Dear Abby: Woman she wants already has a man

DEAR ABBY: I’m a 25-year-old lesbian from a suburban area outside the Twin Cities. It’s not easy finding other gay women in this area, unless I visit Minneapolis, which I don’t enjoy. I always seem to fall for straight girls or girls who have always been straight but are bi-curious, which never ends well for me.

My current situation has me stumped. The girl I’m interested in is in a relationship with a man. They have been together for a long time and have kids together.

I have kept my distance for the most part because I don’t want to be pushy or seem like a home-wrecker. As we have grown closer over the past couple of months, she has told me she doesn’t want to be with him anymore. She said she isn’t in love with him and she’s tired of pretending.

Recently, she confided that she can’t reach sexual satisfaction unless she thinks about women and she isn’t sure what that means. She made a move on me once. A few weeks ago she kissed me, but nothing has happened since.

I’m not sure what to say or do — if anything at all. Help? — NO HOME-WRECKER

DEAR NO HOME-WRECKER: What you should say to this woman is that she’s sending you signals that she’s interested in starting a romantic relationship, and ask her if it’s true.

If she says that it is, ask what she plans to do about her boyfriend. If she’s unsure, you will then have to decide how you feel about becoming part of a triangle, because it could get messy. Very messy.

Between us, you would be better off if you focused on finding someone who is available and clear about her orientation. And if it means forcing yourself to go to Minneapolis, then that’s what you should do.

DEAR ABBY: I have always made it a habit to keep my home neat and tidy. I’m not obsessive; we just make it a point to pick up after ourselves daily, instead of leaving everything a mess and then trying to tackle it all once every week or two. I suppose it also helps that I am child-free.

On more than one occasion, friends who visit my home have commented on how neat and clean I keep it. Some of them have asked if they could pay me to come and clean their homes.

I guess a small part of me should be flattered, but I’m also offended. I feel it’s the equivalent of inviting me to a party just to serve the drinks.

I have no desire to become an indentured servant to my friends. Am I being too sensitive? — NOT OBSESSIVE IN NEW YORK

DEAR NOT OBSESSIVE: If you are not obsessive, then why are you obsessing over a compliment these friends were trying to pay you? I sincerely doubt they were serious, unless they began negotiating your weekly rate.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are in good health and have been married for more than 50 years. I would like to take our three children and their spouses on a Caribbean cruise.

We all get along well, but my wife refuses to go and the kids won’t go without their mom. Any suggestions? — BEWILDERED HUSBAND IN BILLINGS, MONTANA

DEAR HUSBAND: I wish you had shared more information about why your wife is reluctant to take the cruise and your children are backing their mother up on this. However, since they are acting in lockstep, I suggest you come up with an alternative idea for a family outing, or take the cruise alone.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, begins at sundown. During this 24-hour period, observant Jewish people fast, engage in reflection and prayer, and formally repent for any sin that might have been committed during the previous Hebrew year. To all of you: May your fast be an easy one.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Good advice for everyone — teens to seniors — is in “The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It.” To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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