Dear Abby: Girlfriend talks to exes, keeps me secret

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DEAR ABBY: I’m a lesbian currently dating a woman who is still in the closet. She now identifies as bisexual. We have been dating for about a year.

The issue is that she is still in contact with a lot of her ex-boyfriends.

I don’t expect her to come out of the closet on my time. I do have a problem with her talking to ex-boyfriends when they don’t know she’s in a relationship.

She thinks I’m overreacting. However, she has admitted that she’d have a problem with me talking to exes and not bringing up the fact I’m in a relationship.

She has finally admitted that I am a friend and introduced me to her family and one other friend. It took a lot of work to get that far.

I am demanding that she acknowledge — at the very least — that she is in a relationship. I’m not demanding she tell them it’s with a girl. I don’t want to date someone who is ashamed of me.

Most of the time when she talks to an ex, new romantic interests don’t seem to come up. I would prefer that she tell them right away, although she argues it isn’t the right time to randomly bring it up in a conversation.

I no longer trust her to care more about my feelings than her interests. Should I say goodbye to this one? — DATING IN SILENCE

DEAR DATING IN SILENCE: Yes. If, after a year of dating, your girlfriend is still hiding your relationship, I think that’s exactly what you should do.

LGBT people come out in their own way, in their own time. If this difference in where the two of you are is a deal-breaker, you should move on and find someone more compatible.

DEAR ABBY: For the last seven years I have been in a long-distance relationship. I see him every three months. He is divorced and a workaholic.

I love him very much, and he says he also loves me. I had put a tattoo of his name on my hip. This time when he visited, I showed it to him.

When I did, he was shocked. He said he was flattered, but thought it was “a bit much.”

Then he said he would never tattoo someone’s name on himself unless he first asked permission. I told him that I really love him, and even if something happened and we broke up for some reason that it was all right.

I said I am 60 years old, and it was my body and my decision, and that I did it for myself because I will never love another man the way I love him.

Abby, do you think I should have asked him first? Do you think maybe he doesn’t love me as much as he says he does? Please help me understand this. — TATTOO IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR TATTOO: You are an adult, and at age 60 you should not have to ask anyone’s permission to get a tattoo.

If, after seven years, you see this man only every three months, it should be plain by now that he’s not interested in a closer relationship. Most men would be flattered that you got the tattoo, unless they were afraid it might somehow reveal that you are lovers.

Are you absolutely sure this man is divorced? Your situation is so peculiar that it’s time you did some double-checking. Better late than never.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: “Abby’s Favorite Recipes” and “More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $14 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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