Dear Abby: Bisexual woman faces obstacle to love

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DEAR ABBY: I am a bisexual female college graduate living at home, and an only child. I have had one sexual encounter with a woman but never a relationship. I have, however, had relationships with men.

I came out to my mother when I was a teenager. She didn’t believe me, but did say that she would not mention it to my other parents or family members. (I have two stepparents as both biological parents remarried.)

I am considering — if I find a woman to go on a date with/be with — pursuing a lesbian relationship. However, I am not financially independent and won’t be for many years.

My problem is I’m afraid to do it while I am living at home. My cousins, friends and ex-boyfriends all know, just not my parents, grandparents, aunts, etc.

Do I try for my own happiness and hope for the best, or defer my happiness and only date men? — SCARED TO BE WHO I AM

DEAR SCARED: You are no longer a teenager; you’re an adult now. You should be entitled to have the kind of relationship with which you are most comfortable.

If your cousins know about the fact that you are bisexual, the chances are that so do their parents. However, if coming out now would mean that you would be out on the street, I’m advising you to keep your mouth shut and bide your time until you are independent.

DEAR ABBY: My family and I are all travelers. Recently, some issues have arisen with them about the way they regard my mode of travel.

They prefer flying vs. driving. I don’t. Because of my size. I can’t fit into an airplane seat and buckle the seat belt without an extender.

I’m always worried that I’ll be forced to buy an extra seat or won’t be allowed to fly because of my weight, and it is stressful. I have tried for years to lose weight, but have gotten only to the point where I’m maintaining my weight.

I fit comfortably in my car. I can get the seat belt buckled, and I don’t have to inconvenience other passengers.

My family is now trying to discourage me from taking future trips with them because I won’t fly. They claim it’s because I’m single and normally travel by myself. I’m in my mid-30s and have traveled solo for years.

Any suggestions on how to help them understand my choice? — FRUSTRATED SOLO HEAVY TRAVELER

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Your family may be doing this in an attempt to “encourage” you to work harder at losing weight. However, if you are more comfortable traveling by car, then that’s what you should be doing.

DEAR ABBY: We have a co-worker who has been internet dating. She constantly tells her co-workers how horrible the men are and says the same thing about the dates. How do we tell her that it’s not the men, but her? — STUMPED IN SANTA MONICA, CALIF.

DEAR STUMPED: If you’re smart, you won’t — unless she asks.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Good advice for everyone — teens to seniors — is in “The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It.” To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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