DEAR ABBY: I’m a recent divorcee who has started dating again. I have been seeing this guy — also divorced — for a few months, and he recently told me he loves me. There’s definitely a mutual attraction, but I’m not ready for love again, which we’ve discussed in great detail.
When I ask him why he loves me, he can’t answer specifically. His usual reply is something along the lines of, “I just do.”
I can’t help but think maybe he doesn’t really love me if he can’t explain why. Am I overthinking this? Is our relationship moving too fast? What should I do? — NEW TO THIS IN IDAHO
DEAR NEW TO THIS: Take your time and continue getting to know this man. Do not let yourself be rushed into any commitment for which you are not ready.
Divorce can be painful and leave one or both partners feeling a lack of self-esteem. Because he seems unable to put his feelings into words, instead of asking him why he loves you, let him demonstrate the depth of his love for you through his actions. Time will tell if he is sincere.
DEAR ABBY: My husband’s 67-year-old sister recently borrowed a large sum of money, but my husband told her not to worry about paying it back.
They both receive Social Security benefits, but her payments are substantially larger. She supports only herself. His check supports us both.
The problem is that for the past few months she has been borrowing money she promises to pay back, but when the time comes, instead of repaying it she asks for more money. We can’t afford it, but he can’t seem to tell his big sister no, and it’s causing problems in our marriage.
I love my husband dearly, but I’m beginning to resent his sister for taking more money from us each month, and him for giving it to her. If I step in, I will be the bad guy. What is the best way to handle this situation? — GOING BROKE IN THE WEST
DEAR GOING BROKE: Step in and be the bad guy. Tell your husband’s sister she won’t be getting any more money unless she pays back what she has already “borrowed.” Your sister-in-law probably won’t like you for it, so be prepared to stand your ground and don’t be surprised.
DEAR ABBY: I noticed a very attractive woman coming out of the library. She was wearing a soft, feminine short skirt. I wanted to compliment her, so I walked over and said, “I love your skirt — it looks so pretty.” She said, “Thank you. You made my day!”
We had a great conversation for several minutes, after which we went our separate ways. Afterward I was kicking myself because I didn’t ask for her phone number. It felt good to know that my compliment made her feel pretty.
Do most women appreciate compliments about their clothing? I wouldn’t want to make a woman feel uncomfortable. But it brightens my day when I can compliment someone. — LARRY IN LOS ANGELES
DEAR LARRY: It has been my experience that not only do most women appreciate a compliment, so do most men. If it brightens your day to offer one, go ahead and do it. And if someone has a problem with that, do not make it YOUR problem.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in “What Every Teen Should Know.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)