clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Cheryl Lavin: He started off nearly perfect, but the warning signs kept coming

You can get into trouble in a lot of places. In a bar, for sure. On the Internet, of course. But in an office furniture store?

Kyla was there with her husband Terry. They’d been married 30 years.

“He was 62 at the time. We went to a local office furniture store to buy a chair. There was a 44-year-old with a size 44 chest. He looked at her and I knew I was in trouble.”

Let’s back up.

Kyla had been divorced from her first husband for a few years and was ready for a new relationship when she met Terry. He was married, but he told her he was getting a divorce.

“He lied, but by the time I found out, it was too late — I was in love. Terry was funny, loving, easygoing, the perfect guy. I thought he was too good to be true. He was!”

Terry eventually got his divorce and he and Kyla dated for two years. When he asked her to marry him, she was thrilled.

“I adored and loved this man more than I ever thought possible. He was a great lover, very generous in his gift-giving and we had so much in common. He took me on vacations I never could have afforded.”

There were many red flags flapping in the breeze, but Kyla ignored them.

“He had something bad to say about everyone in my family. My 11-year-old daughter didn’t like him and told me early on, ‘He’s going to hurt you.’ He always had to have his way, but it always made sense at the time. He became more and more demanding.

“As the years went on, I noticed him flirting with the women he worked with and we started arguing more. We celebrated our 25th anniversary with a three-week trip to Europe, but we didn’t make love, not once. We were so busy, I just thought we were too tired. We didn’t have many friends, which was odd.

“Then one awful night, during an argument, he hit me with his fist right between my eyes and knocked me across the room.”

At this point Kyla should have left. No amount of gifts or trips is worth being a punching bag. She says she couldn’t.

“I was so dependent on him and I had become phobic. I was afraid of everything.”

The marriage continued to deteriorate. “Terry started sleeping in front of the T.V. I went from 112 lbs to 152. I lost the weight and he appeared to be happy, but it wasn’t enough.

“I started to drink more than usual. It seemed to help with the emotional pain, but it infuriated him. I knew it wasn’t good for me or our relationship, but I needed something to dull the ache in my heart and soul. By this time we weren’t having sex at all. I suggested he see a doctor for medication. He refused and said there was nothing wrong with him. I thought it was my fault.”

And then came the furniture store.

Their divorce was final April 15.

“It hurts. I lost another husband and I’m having a hard time understanding why. I’m in counseling, but I’m having a difficult time moving on. In our society, a man of any age can find a new partner. A woman can’t. Who’s going to want me now?”

Readers, what advice do you have for Kyle? Send it, along with your questions, problems and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com.

And check out my new ebook, “Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front.” COPYRIGHT 2014 CREATORS.COM