Dear Abby: Husband’s refusal to adopt breaks my heart

SHARE Dear Abby: Husband’s refusal to adopt breaks my heart

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been happily married for two years. We both want biological children later, when the timing is right.

A while ago, some friends adopted a little girl from Russia. The girl was orphaned and badly in need of medical treatment. Our friends got her everything she needed and more, and I was touched by the experience of watching her develop into a happy, healthy child.

I realized I had a desire to do something similar, so I told my husband I wanted to adopt a child. He immediately shot the idea down and said he’d never be interested in raising a kid that wasn’t his.

It broke my heart a little. I’m not willing to end my marriage over this, but how can I reconcile my hurt feelings and not feel resentful? — FUTURE MAMA IN ALABAMA

DEAR FUTURE MAMA: Your friends were fortunate because not all adoptions are successful, and not all blended families are happy ones.

Be glad your husband was honest with you, and consider starting your family sooner than you originally planned — provided you and your husband are in agreement about the timing.

DEAR ABBY: This has been bothering me for a while. Why do people put very old pictures of the deceased in the obituary? The people haven’t looked like that for more than 40-plus years.

When I look at the obituaries and see the picture, I think how sad it is that the person died so young. Then I read the article and see they were in their 80s or 90s, and the photo was taken when they were in their 40s or even younger. I have seen high school pictures even.

Close friends and family know what they looked like when they died. Do they think they’re fooling anyone? — CURRENT PHOTO IN OHIO

DEAR CURRENT PHOTO: Please don’t jump to conclusions. I don’t think the pictures are published to “fool” anybody.

This is how the family would like to remember their loved one — in the full bloom of youth. If it comforts them, it should be fine with the rest of us because it’s harming no one.

DEAR ABBY: What’s the polite way to get guests to leave at the end of the night? I’m a pretty direct person, so generally I say, “Well, it’s getting late now,” or “I’m tired and would like to go to bed,” but my husband keeps telling me I’m being rude.

When inviting someone over, is it in poor taste to ask them to leave by a certain time? I love that guests feel so comfortable and welcome in our home, but my husband and I work full time and have a 1-year-old. I need some ME time at the end of the day. — RUDE HOST IN THE EAST

DEAR “RUDE”: A variation on how you’re handling this would be to stand up and say, ” ‘John’ and I want to thank you for coming, but we have to work tomorrow.” For a guest to ignore that cue would be rude.

An almost surefire way to ensure guests are out by a certain time would be to make clear when they are invited that the evening will be “between 7 o’clock and 10.”

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order “How to Have a Lovely Wedding.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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