Dear Abby: Smart, good-looking boyfriend’s politics clash with my values

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DEAR ABBY: Nine months ago I met this incredible guy and we fell in love. We got along so well. He’s smart and good-looking, he has a great career and there didn’t seem to be any problems.

Six months later, he casually mentioned that we are political opposites. Now I’m not that big on politics, and we all have reasons for being conservative or liberal, but when I asked him to explain his ideology, his answer was simply to slam the other side.

Is it ridiculous for me to end my relationship based on this? To me it indicates that we have very different morals and values. I made my position on social issues clear from the beginning, but he thinks I’m foolish to worry about things that “aren’t true” and/or “won’t affect me personally.”

I feel misled and betrayed, but I miss him a lot. I don’t fall in love easily, and getting over this has been difficult. Am I overreacting? — PRINCIPLED IN TEXAS

DEAR PRINCIPLED: While some couples can discuss their differences — political and otherwise — in your case your “incredible guy” seems unable to intelligently discuss them or articulate the reasons for his beliefs without denigrating yours. Without mutual respect, relationships usually fail.

DEAR ABBY: I used to take care of my grandparents. When my grandmother passed away 10 years ago, I took over cooking, paying the bills, laundry, etc. so my grandfather could stay in his home.

He passed away three months ago and left everything to me. I have lived in their house for 24 years. I’m sleeping in the same bedroom I had when I first moved in. I like the neighborhood, and I plan on staying.

Now that my grandfather is gone, people say I should move into his (master) bedroom. And therein lies the question: What should I do with his bedroom furniture? On one hand, it holds special memories, so I’m hesitant to get rid of it.

On the other hand, using it will feel like I’m in his room and not my own. It is made of big, bulky, dark, heavy oak that does not fit my style.

I feel like getting rid of it is getting rid of him, but I also don’t want to live in a “museum.” How do I resolve this? — CAN’T DECIDE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR CAN’T DECIDE: Your grandfather has been gone only three months, and the rule of thumb is to make no important decisions while you are still grieving. It’s practical advice, and those who follow it usually have fewer regrets than those who jump the gun.

For the time being, make no decisions about what to do with the bedroom furniture, which, although it may be somewhat dated, could be valuable, and someone may love to have it (a relative, an antique dealer, etc.). For now, move it into the room you have been using, and move yourself into the master bedroom. Allow yourself more time to make your decision, and when you finally do, you may find yourself ready to make some other updates to your property as well.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

To order “How to Write Letters for All Occasions,” send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby — Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.

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