‘Very Cavallari’: Back in Chicago, catching up with Mama and a Bear

“We’ve only been to Chicago one time since he left the Bears. We’ve been so busy. [Well], I’VE been so busy.” — Kristin Cavallari, commenting on hubby Jay’s abundance of free time, on “Very Cavallari.”

It’s Chicago time!

I can tell, because the helpful graphics on episode 4 of Season 3 of “Very Cavallari” inform us K-Cav and J-Cut have arrived in “CHICAGO, IL.,” as we see quick-cut glimpses of the Chicago River and some of our cool architecture.

Spoiler Alert: Kristin’s Uncommon James store opened late last year in the West Loop, but on the timeline of the show, it’s still a work in progress.

The space at 849 West Randolph is quite raw. Exposed wires, an uneven floor, no plumbing, etc.

Jay and Kristin enter the spot holding hands, looking like they’ve just won the award for Tallest, Best-Looking Couple in the Neighborhood.

“The deadline is the issue,” says one of the contractors.

This is what every contractor in the history of contracting has said. It’s not NOT true.

Kristin has a very mild freakout over the situation. The ever-unflappable Jay deadpans, “Business is booming” and tells Kristin he’s proud of her.

They walk down Randolph, hand in hand. Aw. Nice.

Before the store visit, Kristin and Jay take an SUV trip to BARRINGTON, IL., to the house where Kristin spent part of her youth and Kristin’s mom Judith still resides.

“I moved out of Barrington to Laguna Beach to live with my dad because I was getting in a lot of trouble and my mom didn’t really know what else to do with me,” explains Kristin in a studio interview.

In the car, Kristin starts cracking up as she tells Jay she got high nearly every day after school.

“Are you stoned right NOW?” asks Jay as Kristin wipes away the tears of laughter.

Cut to Judith’s lovely home, which has a few wooden mallards on display. Kristin and Jay join Mom in the kitchen as she prepares a meal. Jay has a bottle of Stella and a goblet of red wine in front of him.

Kristin’s mom says she tries to block out some of Kristin’s hijinks from back in the day.

As Kristin explains in a clip from an in-studio interview:

“I started getting into quite a bit of trouble when I was in eighth grade, drinking a lot, smoking pot, having sex. I got arrested a couple of times.”

Her mother says, “I can laugh about it now. I was not laughing then.”

Keep the Belgian beer and the red wine coming, right Jay?

Actually, Jay couldn’t be less fazed by the trip down memory lane, which includes Judith digging up a box of photos of Kirstin with old boyfriends, and magazines with episode recaps from Kristin’s nascent reality show days.

E!

Jay, reading episode recap: “ ‘The phone rings suddenly, but Kristin picks it up slow. …’ ”

Jay, no longer reading from the article: “This is ridiculous.”

Kristin: “I would tell 22-year-old Kristin to enunciate, and quit drinking so much…”

• • •

Later in the episode, Jay and Kristin join former Bears tight end Zach Miller and Zach’s wife, Kristen with an “e,” for dinner in a Chicago night spot.

Miller was in his sixth year in the NFL and his third season with the Bears and had become a solid contributor when he suffered a gruesome injury to his left knee while making what appeared to be a great TD catch before the call was overturned. (HORRIBLE ruling.)

Sadly, that marked the end of Zach’s career.

As Zach and Kristen join Jay and Kristin at the restaurant, Zach still looks like he could bench-press the Hancock Building.

Jay still looks pretty fit as well, but he admits he’s not doing much these days. Kristin says Jay takes the kids to school, occasionally plays hoops with some of the other dads, and mows the grass three times a week.

“I’m Dad-bod,” says Jay.

Zach recalls a time when he and Jay got “hammered” and says, “I was trying to keep up and was struggling.”

Apparently, this happened the night before a game, as Zach adds, “I didn’t feel normal until like the third quarter.”

Oh GREAT. I probably had money on the Bears that day!

Zach’s wife Kristen talks about the time they were all out on the town: “Do you remember the guy whose mom asked you to take a picture?”

Jay: “No, this can’t be good though.”

Kristen: “He was like, ‘It’s my mom’s 50^th birthday today. … Can you please take a picture with her?,’ and Jay was like, ‘No.’ ”

Uproarious laughter.

Cut to K-Cav in the studio: “Jay can be a real d--- sometimes. But … he’s my d---. I tell him all the time he should be grateful that people want to take his f---ing photo.”

Good luck with that.