“I can do 10 pull-ups, RIGHT now!” —Jay Cutler in the Season Three premiere of “Very Cavallari.”
Your move, Trubisky.
OK, so it’s not as if 36-year-old former Bears QB Jay Cutler is hinting at coming out of retirement in the Season 3 premiere of “Very Cavallari,” and he probably wouldn’t be an upgrade from current Bears quarterback Mitch Trubisky.
But a dazed and confused and disappointed Bears fan can dream. If nothing else, even the sight of Cutler in practice pads this summer would make for fantastic entertainment.
In the meantime, the only prime-time exposure Jay is getting these days is when he shows up on wife Kristin’s “reality” show “Very Cavallari,” with the premiere episode of Season 3 at 8 p.m. Thursday on E! Entertainment.
“I just do,” says K-Cav, reminding of us of her life philosophy. “I don’t think, I just do!”
On the opening possession — sorry, in the early moments — of the episode, Kristin delivers a State of the Marriage update.
“Since Season two, Jay and I are doing really well. I think marriage has ups and downs, but we are on a high right now, and I love him again!”
Well that’s good. Because if you don’t love your husband, the marriage most likely isn’t going to reach the end zone of life.
(Kristin also gives a brief update on their three children, but once again and to their credit, Kristin and Jay aren’t allowing the kids to be filmed for the show.)
Ah, but there’s plenty o’ drama elsewhere in K-Cav’s life:
• There’s the pressure of trying to sell their former home in Nashville (the asking price has dropped from $7.9 million to a bargain basement $5.75M).
• Kristin has to decide whether Dallas or Chicago would be the best spot for a second Uncommon James boutique retail store. (Spoiler alert! The jewelry and baby/kids clothing store opened last October in the West Loop.)
• Much of the old Uncommon James gang (The James Gang!) is gone, as Kristin explains: “Reagan got fired, Matt quit, Kelsye got fired, Kaylee quit.”
Why, it’s almost as if they got their 15 minutes of moderate fame and moved on!
• Most dramatic of all — we’re talking on-cam tears and reaction shots of friends pretending to be shocked — is the fact Kristin is no longer talking to her best friend, Kelly.
“She hasn’t really been there for me,” says Kristin. “We aren’t even really speaking right now.”
And what sparked the fallout? Kristin says when Season 2 was airing, there was a lot of social media talk about Jay and Kelly having an affair — and it seemed like Kelly wanted to exploit the (unfounded) rumors for personal publicity gain.
“She wanted to post something about it,” exclaims Kristin. “That’s the last thing you do!”
Exactly. You don’t post something on Twitter or Instagram about a scurrilous rumor — you wait until Season 3 is in production before you milk it for every possible drop. Come on, Kelly! What are you, a Reality Rookie?
“I feel like [Kelly is] wrapped up in HER world right now,” says K-Cav, as the cameras roll on a show called “Very Cavallari,” which features a photo shoot for the show itself 17 minutes into the Season 3 premiere.
Talk about meta. Or beta. Or VHS. Or something.
Don’t get me wrong — I still love Kristin’s drive and her energy and her (show) business acumen, and the fact the graphics on the show still refer to Cutler as “JAY, KRISTIN’S HUSBAND” every time he makes an appearance.
The most contrived setup for the new season has Kristin’s friend Justin living in the old house — which supposedly comes as a surprise to Jay when Jay shows up to retrieve some gym equipment, because of course Kristin wouldn’t tell Jay about somebody living in the home they’re trying to sell, and of course Jay would have to go get the gym equipment because they wouldn’t be able to afford a whole new workout center in their NEW multi-million home.
Jay tells Justin, “Just don’t go prancing [outside the house] at night,” warning Justin of the coyotes and bobcats lurking just outside.
The premiere concludes with the obligatory, “This season on ‘Very Cavallari’ ” trailer, which teases Chicago-set segments, Kristin throwing an axe in a bar, a trip to Italy, a glimpse of Jay in a vineyard, and shock of shocks, a bombshell appearance by estranged best friend Kelly.
Who better not post about it in advance.