Dear Abby: 28-year-old virgin wants his first time to be the woman’s, too

Women with no sexual history are rare in his age bracket, and now the man’s wondering whether he should give up on that fantasy.

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DEAR ABBY: I’m a 28-year-old male who is still a virgin. I always wanted to be intimate with a virgin female for my first time, but I have never met one. I’ve had opportunities for sex but refrained because she wasn’t a virgin. The older I have gotten, the harder it has become to achieve my dream of being someone’s first and sharing this wonderful experience together. I doubt there are any virgin females my age left.

I know I have missed out on an important aspect of life that so many others have had. Should I start dating younger women, or let go of my fairy-tale first-time fantasy and have sex with just anybody, knowing I’ll regret it? Or should I hold out longer and wait for another virgin to come into my life? — FAIRY-TALE DREAM

DEAR FAIRY-TALE DREAM: Consider pushing the pause button on your fantasy until the pandemic is under control, and do nothing that you know you’ll regret. Before going forward, figure out why sex with another virgin is so important to you. Once you have the answer to that, consider what you have to offer a girl like the one you fantasize about. Many virgins are saving themselves for marriage. If you are willing to wait until marriage to fulfill your fantasy, you may find what you’re looking for. (Or not.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 55 and recently started dating “Paul,” a 54-year-old man. His 26-year-old daughter, “Andrea,” lives with him. My problem is, she invites herself along on our weekend getaways, small trips, etc. He tells me he knows it’s a problem. Andrea is a college graduate working for her dad’s company, but she has no outside interests and no social skills and she’s afraid to talk to people one-on-one. She also doesn’t care about her appearance.

Paul doesn’t know what to do. His daughter doesn’t want to live with her mom, and he’s trying to get her acclimated to being her own person and independent. I suggested a life coach. He knows he enables her to a certain extent. Other than this issue, our relationship is wonderful. Please help. — THREE’S A CROWD IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR THREE’S A CROWD: It should be obvious that Paul’s attempts to help his daughter not only haven’t worked, but may have contributed to her problem. She needs professional help for her severe social anxiety. Start with her physician. Her doctor or insurance company can refer her to someone qualified. Her father should insist upon this, rather than continue to enable her.

DEAR ABBY: I was cheated on by my ex-husband. Since our divorce, I am interested only in married men. I have been to therapy, but I can’t seem to shake it. I hit on married men because I don’t believe all men are faithful. Is this unhealthy, and what can I do about it? — NOT RIGHT IN THE NORTH

DEAR NOT RIGHT: What you’re doing is definitely unhealthy! You didn’t mention how long ago your divorce happened, but hitting on married men may be your way of ensuring that you won’t become so deeply involved your heart is broken again. Perhaps you will be less inclined to continue these liaisons if, before starting another one, you take a moment to consider their effect on the wives and children involved.

And since your first therapist was unable to help you, contact another one.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

To receive a collection of Abby’s most memorable — and most frequently requested — poems and essays, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby — Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.

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