Dear Abby: The man I want pines for someone else, and tells me all about her

Divorcee would love a relationship with her best friend, but he keeps talking about his crush on another woman.

SHARE Dear Abby: The man I want pines for someone else, and tells me all about her

DEAR ABBY: I am a middle-aged divorcee. I recently took up ballroom dancing, which has been a long-held dream, and I’m enjoying my life. However, there are few single men my age around. Most of the available men are 20 years older or 20 years younger.

From Day One, I have had a crush on one of the few men my age in the dance group. We eventually became best friends, spending all our free time together. I soon learned that he is married, but separated and looking to divorce. However, he has a crush of his own, and he talks to me about her constantly. We have so much in common, but he only has eyes for her.

I realize it isn’t healthy for me to pine away for someone who doesn’t think of me the way I think of him. Yet walking away would mean losing my dance partner and best friend and going back to sitting out dances, watching from the sidelines, or worse, sitting alone at home.

Do I maintain the status quo and suffer in silence over his rejection? Or would it be healthier to move on, upend my life and isolate myself from him when I have no other circle of friends to support me? — DANCING AWAY IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR DANCING: Because of the pandemic, leave things as they are — for now. However, as soon as it’s feasible, find another dance group — or two — to join. If you do, you will establish other relationships with both women and men, and have a better chance of finding what you’re looking for.

CST form logo

By subscribing, you agree with Revue’s Terms of Service and Privacy Policy

DEAR ABBY: My ex-wife, my son’s mother, moved out a few years back and settled about six hours from us. We did halfway trips in the beginning so they could maintain a relationship, and I have even driven the whole way a few times to help with that.

Over the last two years, her interest has diminished, and they haven’t seen each other at all. I’ve offered the halfway trip, even offered my couch if she came the entire way, especially around holidays. She hasn’t taken me up on it.

Our son is now entering his teens, and I bought him a cellphone. She has his number, but doesn’t call or text. She even missed his birthday. My problem is, he has started to recognize her lack of interest, and I can tell it hurts. I thought about changing his number and cutting her off altogether, like yanking off a bandage, but I don’t know what’s best. Please advise. — SANE DAD IN MARYLAND

DEAR DAD: You are a loving and constant father. As you have realized, now that your son is getting older, he is becoming increasingly aware of his mother’s emotional neglect.

I do not think you should change his number and cut her off from him. She’s doing a good job of doing that herself. I DO think it’s important your son knows he can talk to you about anything and get honest answers. Something is clearly wrong with his mother. He should not go through life thinking her behavior was caused by anything lacking in himself, so if and when the subject comes up, answer his questions as kindly as you can.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order “How to Have a Lovely Wedding.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

The Latest
Esta semana de altas temperaturas, el Distrito de Parques de Chicago abre sus 77 albercas públicas para la temporada. La Municipalidad ofrece seis centros de enfriamiento donde las personas vulnerables al calor pueden buscar alivio.
Este año el evento fue organizado por Yollocalli, el programa de alcance juvenil del museo en La Villita y CALOR, organización de defensa de la comunidad LGBTQ+ dedicada a la prevención y a la concientización del VIH/SIDA en la comunidad latina.
Talyn Taylor, Niki Dugandzic, Cameron Brooks and Gabe Kaminski all recently made college decisions.
The company, which was purchased by private equity firm Variant Equity Advisors for $270 million in 2019, said bus operations will continue as it undergoes a court-supervised sale of its assets.
In all, at least 72 people were hit by gunfire from Friday evening through the predawn hours of Monday, according to data collected by the Sun-Times. Eight of them died.