Dear Abby: Teen has a girlfriend but longs to be with someone else

He’s not sure whether to stay in the relationship while he’s in love with a girl who might not love him back.

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DEAR ABBY: I’m a high school junior in a predicament. Early in my sophomore year, during a school trip, I developed strong feelings for a girl named “Joelle.” She’s a grade ahead of me, meaning I don’t see her often or have many chances to talk to her during school except for the occasional chance meeting.

Because of our lack of contact, I thought my feelings were subsiding, so I started a relationship with another girl, “Amber.” However, shortly after beginning this new relationship, I had a long conversation with Joelle and quickly realized I’m in love with her.

While I still have feelings for Amber, it crushes me not to be with Joelle. To make matters worse, if I end things with Amber, there’s no guarantee Joelle would give me a chance — she’s bisexual (but primarily lesbian) and she’s close friends with Amber. I don’t want to throw away my relationship with Amber over what may amount to a pipe dream, but I really am in love with Joelle. Please help. — JUMBLED HEART IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR JUMBLED: Amber deserves better than to be involved with a guy who is in love with someone else. Because Joelle is not only “primarily” lesbian but also close friends with Amber, do not pin your hopes on anything but friendship with her. Ever. You have two more years of high school ahead of you. During that time, you are going to meet other attractive young women who will return your feelings. These two aren’t that.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is being married in a month. Her fiance is Canadian. We have reserved a block of rooms for guests who are coming from afar. I understand the importance of the groom’s mom being here for the ceremony, so when I was told she couldn’t afford the hotel, I offered to pay for her room for the Thursday, Friday and Saturday so she could be here.

My daughter now says his mother is asking for Sunday night, too. I replied that she could reserve it and pay for it herself or request a late checkout on Sunday. I don’t have room for her to stay in my home, and I think I am generous to be paying for her hotel stay in the first place, let alone three nights. Is the bride’s family obligated to pay for this? — ASKING FOR TOO MUCH

DEAR ASKING: Are you obligated? Certainly not. It is presumptuous for the groom’s mother to expect that you would. If she’s unable to pay for the extended accommodations, her son should step up to the plate.

DEAR ABBY: I’ve been married 25 years. My husband just took up golf and working out at the club. He takes his wedding ring off for both activities, and then he sometimes forgets to put it back on. When we are heading out for dinner or an event, I ask, “Where’s your ring?” He then runs back into the house to put it on. What do you make of this? — PERPLEXED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR PERPLEXED: Depending upon your husband’s workout, it’s possible that the wedding ring could get in the way or be scratched. It may also interfere with his swing while he’s playing golf. It is also possible that he doesn’t like wearing a wedding ring. What I make of this is of less importance than what the two of you make of it. It’s time for a calm, honest discussion.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

To receive a collection of Abby’s most memorable — and most frequently requested — poems and essays, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby — Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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