Dear Abby: After dealing with husband’s cancer diagnosis, I dread my own checkup

Wife is so fearful of bad news that she’s on the verge of cancelling.

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DEAR ABBY: Last year, my dear hubby went to the doctor for back pain. Within a week he had been diagnosed with incurable cancer. He’s in treatment, and we hope he will have a long remission, but it has been a very stressful year filled with health issues.

I am now due for my annual checkup, and I’m extremely anxious about it. I’m no spring chicken. I have some issues (high blood pressure, overweight), and I’m terrified she will tell me something awful is wrong. I have been crying for a week now, and I’m almost to the point of canceling my appointment. How do I overcome this extreme anxiety? — FEARING THE WORST IN OHIO

DEAR FEARING: You may be having extreme anxiety because with a sick husband, you are living with extreme pressure. Pick up that phone, tell your physician exactly what’s going on and ask her to prescribe something to calm your nerves before the appointment. Under no circumstances should you cancel it because you are afraid of what you might hear! If anything is wrong, it’s important to nip it in the bud before it progresses.

DEAR ABBY: During a trip to Las Vegas, I kind of had a one-night stand. I’m in a relationship. I felt bad afterward. Problem is, I started having feelings for this guy, “Leo.” We would message back and forth, more on my end than his. I guess you could say I was hung up on him. I have since mended my relationship with my partner.

My issue is, Leo is best friends with my best friend’s husband. When he visits, I am excluded, which means I can’t hang out with her. I tell her we are all adults, we are not in high school and can be in the same room with each other. It’s not fair to me. Are my feelings justified? Any advice? — FEELING SHUNNED ON THE WEST COAST

DEAR FEELING: This isn’t all about YOUR feelings. You stated that you feel you can be in the same room with your best friend, her husband and Leo socially. Hasn’t it occurred to you that Leo may not be as open-minded about that fling as you are? Seeing you may make him feel guilty. This may be a case of “what happens in Vegas” not only not staying in Vegas, but also having repercussions. See your best friend when Leo isn’t around.

DEAR ABBY: I have been on phone calls recently with a married friend when the spouse will suddenly chime in, without my knowing they were listening. There are times when I want a conversation to be private with only one person. What’s the polite way to make this happen in a world of speakerphones? — CONFIDENTIAL IN INDIANA

DEAR CONFIDENTIAL: The way to handle it is to tell the married person you would like to know if someone is within earshot because you want your conversation to be private. And if it happens again, convey sensitive information to that person only face-to-face.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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