Selena Gomez reveals her troubles in a movie ‘too hard’ for her to watch

‘My Mind and Me’ on Apple TV+ goes behind the scenes of the young star’s struggles with her mental health, lupus and all-encompassing fame.

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Selena Gomez poses next to a poster for her documentary “My Mind and Me” at the film’s world premiere Wednesday in Hollywood,

Jon Kopaloff/Getty Images

LOS ANGELES — After walking the Hollywood red carpet, Selena Gomez was the one guest who couldn’t watch the world premiere of her own documentary “Selena Gomez: My Mind and Me.”

Gomez, 30, said she said needed to step away once the deeply personal documentary started Wednesday night at the TCL Chinese Theatre to kick off the American Film Institute Film Festival.

“My Spanx hurt really bad, so I’m a little uncomfortable,” Gomez said after the 95-minute film ended, earning a laugh with her deadpan deprecation. ”I’m also a little nervous. I didn’t watch [the movie] with you guys because I think it would be too hard for me. “

“My Mind and Me” (now streaming on Apple TV+) follows Gomez through six years of her career, capturing a revealing behind-the-scenes look at the young star’s challenges with her mental health, lupus and her all-encompassing fame.

Gomez said she wanted to have Alek Keshishian, who worked with Gomez on the music video for “Can’t Keep My Hands to Myself,” direct her documentary ever since seeing his 1991 Madonna concert tour documentary “Truth or Dare.” The original plan was to cover Gomez’s 2016 Revival tour, which was ultimately canceled due to physical and mental health crises.

“We soon realized that there was much more going on than just the tour that I eventually ended up canceling,” says Gomez. “[Keshishian] came into my life in these moments that were beautiful, complicated and tragic. And I felt comfortable sharing what I was walking through.”

Keshishian called Gomez “so authentic and vulnerable.” The Madonna confidante added of Gomez, “Unlike most pop stars and most celebrities I know, she doesn’t have armor.”

The film shows Gomez growing up in Grand Prairie, Texas, and revisiting her hometown after superstardom to see her old school and neighbors.

“I’m a Texas girl through and through and I truly feel like the most beautiful woman when I’m home,” Gomez said. “When I go home, I visit the house I’m from every time and the neighbors. I don’t think they see me any differently than who I was when I was younger.”

In “My Mind and Me” there are frequent flashbacks and discussions about Gomez’s first role on “Barney & Friends,” a role that brought teasing at school.

“I got made fun of a lot for that,” Gomez said. ”Don’t go to the fourth grade and say that you star on ‘Barney & Friends.’ “

Gomez said the film gives real and raw onscreen disclosures that might prompt important discussions.

“I’m not gonna lie and say maybe there were a few moments that weren’t scary to offer,” she said. ”So I kind of used myself as a sacrifice in order for people to have the hard conversations. But I’m also going to crawl into a hole for a few months after this. I gave too much.”

Gomez said she hopes the film starts “a chain reaction of people saying, ‘Hey, I want to say something about my mental health. I want to talk about it and seek help.’ That’s one of the bravest things someone can do. If one person is just impacted by this film. I would consider myself the luckiest girl.”

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