Dear Abby: Son should have told me his girlfriend had a miscarriage

Mom is hurt that he revealed the sad news to another relative but not her.

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DEAR ABBY: I thought my son and I were close. Recently, I learned that his girlfriend had a miscarriage. I learned about it from an email his girlfriend sent me, and I have also learned he told another relative he’s close to about the miscarriage. I called his girlfriend after receiving her email and expressed my sympathy, inquired about her health and told her that I would keep her and my son in my prayers.

My feelings are hurt because I didn’t hear about the pregnancy/miscarriage from my son, and he disclosed it to another relative instead. I thought we could discuss anything — even though we disagree on some things. I want to ask why he didn’t tell me and let him know my feelings are hurt because children are family treasures. Should I express how I feel and ask why he felt he couldn’t share with me? — OVERLOOKED IN FLORIDA

DEAR OVERLOOKED: Resist the urge to personalize this the way you have. If you are smart, you will think long and hard — a few months, perhaps — before asking your son that question because if there is a problem in your relationship, this will only make it worse. Take this opportunity to work on the things that aren’t right in your relationship with your son. He may have had other things besides his mother on his mind when this happened, and may not have wanted or needed to be reminded that children are “family treasures.”

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for almost 10 years. He’s my dreamboat, everything I ever wanted in a man. Although he doesn’t have a history of cheating, he is flirtatious.

My husband fixes computers. Last year, when my best friend’s computer wouldn’t turn on, he was happy to help. I just found a naked picture of her on his computer. When I confronted him, he confessed he stole it while he was fixing her computer. When I told my friend, she kind of blew it off. (“Men do stupid stuff ...”) I don’t know if I can trust him again and I feel beaten down. I have been hurt several times before in prior relationships. Abby, what do I do? — SHOCKED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SHOCKED: Your best friend’s reaction was unusual. Most women would be mortified over this scenario. Your husband’s behavior was shameful. He should delete the photo he stole and apologize to you and your friend for the “stupid stuff” he did. And, because this has damaged your ability to trust your husband, insist on some sessions with a marriage and family therapist to see if the damage to your relationship with him can be repaired.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law has a disgusting habit: Whenever I’m starting to cook something with raw hamburger, she grabs a mouthful. I have tried explaining how dangerous it is, but she won’t listen to reason. She says she’s been doing it since she was a kid (she’s 80 now). I’ve tried pointing out that the meat supply is not the same as it was then, but her response is, “It hasn’t hurt me yet!” Please advise. — CAREFUL COOK IN CAROLINA

DEAR COOK: I’ll try. Go to the U.S. Food and Drug Administration website ( and search on “eating raw ground beef.” When you do, you will find printable information about the dangers of E. coli, which is most prevalent in raw hamburger and especially dangerous to young children and people over the age of 65. Then give the printout to your mother-in-law and pray she’s capable of changing her ways.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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