DEAR ABBY: This is an open letter to all those women who write to you knowing their men cheated on them and then ask, “Should I marry him?” In their hearts they already know the answer; they just want YOU to tell them “NO!”
My mother saw my fiance’s car around town, parked at various churches and parking lots. He parked there so I wouldn’t see his car at “the other woman’s” house. Well, I showed up unexpectedly at his place one night and saw them both asleep in his bed. In a way, I felt relieved.
I knew I had to do something. I immediately canceled everything, but had the wedding invitations printed and gave them to his mom and sister to send out “right away.” When the big day arrived, I sat across the street in Dad’s car with my mom, watching as only HIS side of the family showed up at the vacant church. The note on the door read: “Stay with ‘Jazmine.’ You two deserve each other! Now tell your family what you did.”
I explained everything to my parents an hour later over dinner at the restaurant where we were supposed to have had our reception. We were all relieved the wedding was canceled. We laughed so much, and we reviewed all the signs that my mom tried to show me that I had ignored.
So don’t get mad, ladies. Do what I did — dry your tears and get even. — NEVER LOOKED BACK
DEAR NEVER: Love is blind, and you should have listened to your mother. You’re lucky you found out in time and didn’t marry your faithless fiance. While I don’t normally recommend revenge, I think in this case, the man had it coming.
DEAR ABBY: I am 52 years old and have experienced chronic fatigue (from Lyme and Epstein-Barr) most of my adult life. Four years ago, I discovered a wonderful medical practitioner and, by adhering to her protocol, regained such improved health that I began volunteering with a local organization. Due to a recent setback, however, fatigue has prevented me from volunteering, and my absence has been noticed.
Although I am usually a private person, I decided to divulge my health issues to the leader so he wouldn’t think I was unhappy with my duties. He then began asking if I had tried various health products and remedies to the point where I felt I was on trial and defending myself. In the past, before I received an accurate diagnosis, some family members and physicians doubted the validity of my illness, so I am sensitive to being questioned.
Over the years, I have sought treatment from various sources, from local health stores to nationally recognized hospitals, and I don’t appreciate advice from healthy armchair experts. I also don’t like being questioned or doubted. Did I set myself up by disclosing my health issues, or should I have remained polite but vague? — SURVIVOR IN THE EAST
DEAR SURVIVOR: In a sense, yes, you did set yourself up by disclosing the reason for your absence. The medical conditions from which you suffer were poorly understood years ago, and many people — medical personnel included — were under the impression that their patients’ problems were all in their heads. Please try to be less defensive where this person is concerned. From my perspective, he was only trying to be helpful.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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