DEAR ABBY: I recently lost a lot of weight and finally felt confident enough to start dating. I met a wonderful man I’ll call “Teddy.” We’ve been together for eight months, and I can see a future with him. He has some quirks with intimacy that he’s working on and a few odd habits he is trying to break. I have my own eccentricities as well, but we are doing it together.
The problem is my sister. Ever since I started losing weight and trying to improve myself, she has become incredibly jealous. She has taken to making backhanded comments as often as she can. We had a huge fight where we didn’t talk for two months because she thought I had “changed too much.” The real reason was I wouldn’t let her borrow a super expensive dress of mine.
I used to spend every weekend at her house hanging out with her. I would do her grocery shopping, lend her anything she wanted and defer to her because I was lonely. But now I spend most weekends with Teddy generally enjoying my life. She seems bitter that I no longer let her walk over me like a doormat. She keeps saying I should break up with Teddy so I can prioritize her again, and she tries to start fights between Teddy and me.
Abby, my sister is married and has a kid. She doesn’t need me around so she won’t be lonely. I don’t want to cut her off because I love my nephew and would like to be part of his life. I also don’t want to have to choose between my family and having a life that doesn’t revolve around them. Please help me. — CHANGING MY LIFE
DEAR CHANGING: If your description is accurate, you exist in your sister’s universe only to fulfill her needs. That she would attempt to sabotage your relationship with Teddy is shameful. It should not be necessary to choose between Teddy and your family. What you must do is establish firm boundaries with her, enforce them and not knuckle under to the pressure she is exerting.
DEAR ABBY: I found $17 in the pocket of an old coat (great feeling — it felt like free money!) and used it to buy myself some fast food. My fiancee is upset (which I think is uncalled for) that I didn’t get her anything. That restaurant is expensive, and it’s hard to buy two meals for that price. Plus, it was my money.
I think I should be allowed to spend money I find, especially since it was in my coat. Unfortunately, she didn’t get any dinner that night. It has been a week now, and she’s still upset with me about it. I never get anything for myself, and I feel I deserved a treat.
When I told her that night if she wanted dinner she should have looked for her own $17 in a coat, she threw my Xbox controller at me. It missed. It hit the wall and broke. Now I have to search through all my pockets because those controllers cost a lot more than $17. — QUARANTINED IN INDIANA
DEAR QUARANTINED: And your question is? This is how you treat your fiancee? The least you could have done was get her a side of fries to eat with whatever was in the fridge as a main course. If you and this girl are still together, it’s time for some serious apologies. On the plus side, now that the Xbox is history, you will have more time to work on your relationship.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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