Dear Abby: She says I’m her best friend but leaves me out of vow renewal ceremony

The alleged BFF is extremely hurt by the lack of an invitation.

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DEAR ABBY: I am disabled and live about 2,000 miles from my best friend. For months now she has spoken about her plans to have a vow renewal ceremony on her 10th wedding anniversary. Although I am on a fixed income, I have been saving every dime so I can attend.

As it turns out, I’m not invited. She’s requested online that everyone who has received their invitation and hasn’t sent their R.S.V.P. should, so she’ll know how many people to tell the caterer to prepare for. My invitation didn’t get lost in the mail or in cyberspace. I was just not invited.

I am extremely hurt by this because she has always claimed that I am her best friend. How should I handle this? — UNINVITED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR UNINVITED: You have a right to feel hurt. “Best” friends don’t treat each other this way. Handle it by asking her why you were left off the guest list. She may not have invited you because she knows you are on a fixed income and assumed you couldn’t attend. However, if that’s not the reason for the omission, then you may not have had as close a relationship as you assumed.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married a little over a year. My wife took a trip to Florida to get some things out of storage, and turned it into a two-week vacation. She’s now traveling back with the in-laws, which I wasn’t expecting.

Yesterday she announced she doesn’t want to talk to anyone, including me, and will only text for the next three days during the trip because she’s too tired. I feel rejected and like yesterday’s news because she hardly calls me and she almost forgot to say goodnight. I don’t think this is healthy for our relationship, and I have separation anxiety to boot. Is this normal? — NEWLYWED GUY IN IOWA

DEAR GUY: Something is going on with your wife, and unless she is usually this uncommunicative, her unwillingness to talk with you is not normal. Do not pressure her or make her feel guilty in order to alleviate your separation anxiety. Give her the time she said she needs to decompress and get her thoughts together. When she and her parents arrive, you will have plenty of time to clear the air.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were invited by an older friend to lunch on his patio, while observing the social distancing rules. Before we left his home, we thanked him profusely as we greatly appreciated the visit, especially given our lack of social interaction during the pandemic.

When we arrived home, I wrote a thank-you note and put it in the mail. However, I’m wondering if I should also have sent an immediate text or e-mail message to our friend. Are there new rules that cover immediate electronic communication vs. old-fashioned thank-you notes? — WONDERING IN ALABAMA

DEAR WONDERING: Many people use immediate electronic communication as a way to avoid the “hassle” and expense of penning a handwritten thank-you note. However, making the time and effort to show your appreciation the traditional way rather than doing both wasn’t a faux pas, so stop worrying.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in “What Every Teen Should Know.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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