Dear Abby: Medication takes away my anxiety — and my libido

The formerly depressed person believes nobody wants a relationship with someone with no sex drive.

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DEAR ABBY: I’ve dealt with anxiety and depression for decades, but I’m finally on a medication that works for me. I’m in my 40s and feel emotionally stable for the first time in my adult life. When I started the medication, I was in a bad place, but after a few months I broke up with my partner and began focusing on my career.

It has been a couple of years now, and I have no sex drive at all. I have been feeling the desire to start dating again, but even if I meet someone, I doubt my libido will return while I’m on this medication, which would be unfair to the other person. I’m afraid my choice is between future relationships and my mental health. My doctor offered to add another drug that might help, but it took so long to find something that works, I don’t want to start experimenting again. Can you offer any advice? — GOTTEN THIS FAR IN ILLINOIS

DEAR GOTTEN: I am pleased to know that after so much trial and error you’ve finally found a medication that has allowed you to get your life back. I urge you to listen to your doctor. If your physician thinks there is something that might help, give it a try. If it disrupts the strides you have made, you can always stop. But please don’t deprive yourself of the opportunity to live a fuller life.

DEAR ABBY: I am engaged to “George,” a wonderful man who has adult children. He and his ex went through a bitter divorce several years ago. His children mainly blame him, but he still tries to maintain relationships with them.

The younger two seem to have accepted it over time. His oldest daughter, however, is very close to her mother and still bitter. She’s getting married and has expressed to him that she doesn’t want him to bring any guests. George and I have been living together for the last year, and it was never a secret that we were dating before then. I don’t know how to feel about this. I have no relationship with his children, but I would like to be there. How should I address this? — LEFT OUT IN THE EAST

DEAR LEFT OUT: In plain English. Ask George how he feels about being expected to go unaccompanied to his daughter’s wedding in light of the fact he has been cohabiting with you for a year. (Is he expected to participate?) When you do, point out to your fiance that if his daughter is allowed to dictate this, it will be only the beginning, because there will be other milestones from which you are also excluded.

DEAR READERS: Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and no Thanksgiving would be complete without my sharing the traditional prayer penned by my dear late mother:

Oh, Heavenly Father,

We thank Thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank Thee for health and remember the sick.

We thank Thee for friends and remember the friendless.

We thank Thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service,

That Thy gifts to us may be used for others.

Amen.

Have a happy and safe celebration, everyone! — Love, ABBY

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order “How to Have a Lovely Wedding.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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