Dear Abby: Husband’s upset my planned tattoo lacks his name

He’s not putting his wife’s name on his own skin, but he insists her ink needs to ‘honor him.’

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DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 16 years and have two little boys. Since we were young we have wanted tattoos, but we couldn’t afford them and I couldn’t decide what kind I wanted. Recently, the subject came up again, and I decided I’d get one that symbolizes my motherhood.

At first, my husband seemed all for it, but then he started joking about where his name would go on it. I responded that his name would never be part of my tattoo because it would be about being a MOM. I also said I don’t plan to get a tattoo of him because, although I know we’ll grow old together, if something happened to him, I’d be stuck with it forever.

He was hurt by that remark and now thinks I’m questioning our future together. Mind you, his tattoo has nothing to do with me or our kids, and I’d never ask him to do that. Now he’s pushing me to “honor him” in a tattoo. I still feel strongly about the “mother” ink being my one and only. Should I add his name, or is a tattoo not the best route? — FEELING GUILTY IN TEXAS

DEAR FEELING GUILTY: What is driving your husband’s “push” was the foolish comment you made that you would feel “stuck” (pun intended?) if he died and you had to wear his name forever. I would hope that you “honor” your husband every day of your marriage and vice versa.

Someone’s name inked on your anatomy is no guarantee a relationship will last — living examples of which are the many celebrities who have had theirs removed or modified because their romances fizzled. If neither of you has gotten those tattoos yet, it would be better for your marriage if you both end this argument by skipping them.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my boyfriend for almost five years. We don’t live together but we see each other every other day. Recently we had an argument about him following girls who show their butts on Instagram. This is not the first time I have asked him to delete the pictures; it’s the third, actually.

Every time I call him on it, he claims he just scrolls through them, but he gets mad at the same time or insists he doesn’t pay any attention to them. He promises to unfollow them but never does. I also feel really insecure because when we first started seeing each other, he made a comment about wanting to pay to get my butt enhanced. What should I do? — BOTHERED BY BUTTS

DEAR BOTHERED: Perhaps you should spend less time looking at his cellphone. If your boyfriend is caring and faithful and treats you well, you may have to learn to deal with your insecurity. Many men look at pictures on the internet and it’s not a threat to their relationships.

That said, however, if your boyfriend’s ideal woman is one with a prominent posterior, you may not be The One for him. And regarding his comment about having yours enlarged — of course, that would be your choice, not his, so don’t be coerced. And, please, be aware that unless cosmetic surgery is done by a board-certified physician, the results can be unfortunate. It’s also very expensive and the procedure is not “minor” surgery.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in “What Every Teen Should Know.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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