Dear Abby: My husband has been checking out info on local escorts

Wife is OK with his viewing of online porn, but snooping on his phone reveals his other secret habit.

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DEAR ABBY: I just found out my husband has been looking at escorts in the local area. I know he has watched porn, but that never bothered me. When I confronted him about seeing his search for escorts, he said he just clicked on a link that popped up on a porn site. (I have seen them, so I know it can happen.)

However, I now know he created another email address and joined an escort review site. I can’t say anything to him because I snooped on his phone. I’m heartbroken and want to believe him, but this is too much. Please help me. — NERVOUS IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR NERVOUS: First things first. Call your doctor and make an appointment to be checked for STDs. Next, because you know your husband hasn’t been truthful, do more “snooping.” Learn everything you can about your family finances (if you don’t already know) — the debts and assets, credit card expenses, bank account numbers, etc.

Once you have that information and there will be no surprises, tell your husband you checked his phone AND WHY YOU FELT THE NEED TO DO IT. Do not allow him to make you feel guilty. Ask him what he is getting from escorts that he isn’t getting from you, and if the only answer he can come up with is “variety,” talk to a lawyer because your exclusive marital relationship is history.

DEAR ABBY: Our son “Leo,” 24, has bipolar/schizoaffective disorder. He is single, lives 2,000 miles from us and is homeless. He refuses treatment.

I see him about every three months when I go and find him. His relationship with his dad, my husband, is not good. My husband has made many approaches to Leo, but our son rejects him.

My husband told me that when he dies, I should not say anything to Leo, and he wants me to agree on that. I agreed, but I think that is too hard. Do you think my husband is right on that request? — PROBLEM FAMILY IN PUERTO RICO

DEAR PROBLEM FAMILY: Yes, I do. Your husband is being realistic, having made repeated approaches to Leo and being rejected. When he’s gone, your son won’t miss him, so please respect your husband’s wishes if it will bring him peace of mind.

DEAR ABBY: I hosted a dinner party at my home and invited three longtime friends. They had been drinking before they came over and showed up drunk. My husband and I were highly offended and told them to leave. I’m extremely upset about this because I found it very disrespectful. How should I resolve the issue? — INCONSIDERATE IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR INCONSIDERATE: You and your husband were certainly within your rights to react as you did. Cross your fingers that your friends were able to return safely to their homes in the condition they were in.

How you should resolve the issue depends upon whether this is the only time it happened. If they aren’t habitual problem drinkers and it was a one-time thing, be forgiving when they call to apologize. However, if you don’t hear from them, there will be nothing to resolve.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

To receive a collection of Abby’s most memorable — and most frequently requested — poems and essays, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby — Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.

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