Dear Abby: Even after breakup, I’m keeping my ex’s secret — he’s bisexual

After discovering boyfriend was sending explicit photos to men, woman wonders if he really loved her — and he was really going ‘to the gym.’

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DEAR ABBY: I broke up with my boyfriend a few months ago, but I’m still having a difficult time getting over him. I discovered he was responding to sexual messages from men and sending them pictures of himself, including his body parts. I feel this is the biggest betrayal any woman could experience, and keeping the truth from our mutual friends has been difficult.

When people ask me what caused the breakup, I have to deny the truth and tell them we just grew apart. Now I wonder if he ever loved me or was he just using me because I was the breadwinner while he stayed home. I keep wondering if all those times he claimed to be at the gym was he really there? Please help me. — BROKEN DIGNITY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BROKEN: That your boyfriend wasn’t honest about the fact that he was bisexual and unfaithful was, indeed, a betrayal. I also agree that all those times he claimed to be “at the gym” he was likely WITH “Jim.” That you supported him financially while he involved himself with others — regardless of their gender — was another betrayal.

You should be on your knees thanking your higher power you learned what was going on before you wasted more time (or money) on him. Quit covering for him by lying to your friends about what happened. You are not the first woman to fall for a cheater and you won’t be the last.

P.S. If you haven’t already contacted your doctor to be tested for STDs, the time is now.

DEAR ABBY: A close friend of mine hadn’t been feeling well. After seeing her doctor for a full day of tests she met up with me, and I listened to her concerns. Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, “God, I hope you don’t have cancer!” She became very upset because of my comment and made me feel guilty for even mentioning it. While I meant my remark to be more caring than callous, it backfired.

With cancer so prevalent in today’s society, when is it OK to talk about it? Is it something we tiptoe around and discuss only after a full diagnosis? I regret my words, and need to know how I can become a more caring, supportive friend. — OOPS, IN FLORIDA

DEAR “OOPS”: Cancer, like other illnesses that can be fatal, should be discussed when and if the person has the diagnosis, reveals it AND FEELS THE NEED TO DISCUSS IT.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to a wonderful man for 46 years. The only disagreement we have had during all this time is my hairstyle. Growing up, I had curly (kinky) hair, for which I was bullied and teased. I feel secure and safe when I straighten it. He loves it curly.

I feel insecure and sad when I try to make him happy. Because I feel so much better with straight hair, I don’t think I can honor his wishes. To some people, this may seem trivial, but it’s a major issue in our home. I would appreciate your advice. — “HAIR-DON’T” OUT WEST

DEAR “HAIR-DON’T”: My advice is, to thine own self be true. If you feel depressed and insecure with curly hair, then you should not feel forced to wear it that way. It’s your head and your feelings, and your husband will have to adjust and accept it.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order “How to Have a Lovely Wedding.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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