Dear Abby: Optimistic husband doesn’t get that I might never have a baby
Couple is excited about becoming parents, but the wife has polycystic ovary syndrome, which hurts her chances for biological children.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for eight years, married for two. We recently started discussing having a family. I have polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), and it may be difficult for me to get pregnant. I suffered a miscarriage earlier this year. Until it happened, I didn’t realize how badly I wanted a baby.
We both feel we are ready to be parents. However, I’m terrified that I won’t be able to conceive or that I’ll lose the baby again. My husband is so optimistic. He thinks everything will be fine and, as soon as we decide to get pregnant, it will happen. I have tried explaining PCOS to him, but he seems oblivious to what could be our reality.
I don’t know how to get through to him so he won’t be severely disappointed if having biological children isn’t in the cards for us. Do you have any suggestions? — TROUBLED IN TENNESSEE
DEAR TROUBLED: Please accept my sympathy for your miscarriage. Because you haven’t been able to get through to your husband that the road to parenthood may be bumpy, enlist the assistance of your OB/GYN or your fertility specialist to explain it to him. That way, if what you fear is true, you can better support each other. I wish you both good luck on this journey.
DEAR ABBY: I am 56 and I had an affair with a woman I met 17 years ago. We grew close and five years later we moved in together. We separated five years after that, but stayed friends. At that time, her daughter “Chloe” and I developed feelings for each other.
Chloe’s mom became sick two years ago and has now passed away. I love Chloe, but she doesn’t want anyone to know about our affair. I don’t see how we can hide this any longer. Do you think this relationship will work out? — PONDERING IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR PONDERING: You’re asking the wrong woman. It’s time for you to have a serious talk with Chloe to ask why she doesn’t want anyone to know about the affair. Her answer will tell you everything you need to know about where your future is — or is not — heading.
DEAR ABBY: My dad has a hearing problem. Every night he nods off in his recliner. When it’s time for me to go to bed and I turn the TV off, he turns it right back on instead of just going to bed like he should. I’m one of those people who needs quiet in order to fall asleep. Abby, this has been going on since I moved in here with my parents. I have done everything I can think of, but he just keeps doing it and I’m about ready to explode. — IRRITATED DAUGHTER
DEAR DAUGHTER: Have you tried enlisting your mother’s help in getting through to your father? Have you tried earphones for him and earplugs for you? If the answer to these questions is yes, then you are either going to have to adjust or, for the sake of your health and sanity, find another place to live.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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