Dear Abby: I just tried to help; now I’m barred from seeing my grandkids

Mom disapproves of financial advice given to her daughter after college graduation.

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DEAR ABBY: I have been in my second marriage for almost 20 years. My wife came with two grown children, who each have two kids. I have tried to be the best family man I could, and a father and grandfather who treated them like they were my own.

My wife’s daughter “Diana” recently disrupted everything after I gave her daughter (my granddaughter) some financial advice after she graduated from college. Diana not only went off on me, but also lied to her children about me and has shut me and my wife out of their lives. I’m crushed and trying not to lose the relationships with Diana’s kids. I don’t feel I did anything wrong. The advice I gave was sound and nothing a professional would disagree with. Please advise. — HURTING FROM HELPING

DEAR HURTING: You have my sympathy. This may be an unfortunate example of “no good deed goes unpunished.” Because Diana refuses to discuss the matter, the breach she has created isn’t fixable. If you are successful in maintaining a relationship with the grandkids, you may eventually find out what set your wife’s daughter off. In the meantime, you and your poor wife must accept what has happened and do your best not to allow it to further disrupt your lives.

DEAR ABBY: Like a lot of people, I’m working from home. Today I was completing a complicated procedure between calls from customers and getting conflicting instant messages from my supervisor and manager. I exclaimed a cuss word and suddenly got an IM from the manager saying I shouldn’t cuss. I’m at home, in my room, using my computer and on pause so I can’t receive a call from a customer, and my manager is listening to me? Was I in the wrong here? — CAUGHT IN TEXAS

DEAR CAUGHT: Yes, you were. If you did something during business hours that you wouldn’t do at the office, you shouldn’t have been doing it at home. (In the future, if you want to blurt out a few choice words, do it while you are well away from the microphone!)

DEAR ABBY: Unlike the rest of my family of omnivores, I have been a vegan for decades. Without fail, every time we get together and go out to eat, whoever made the reservation chooses a restaurant that serves nothing I can eat. So I end up eating just bread and a small dinner salad. I’m not asking that we go to a vegan restaurant (although I’d prefer that), just a vegan-friendly place. Advice? — HUNGRY VEGAN GUY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR VEGAN GUY: Provide your insensitive relatives with a list of restaurants to choose from that are more accommodating to your lifestyle. In California, many restaurants cater to patrons with varying needs, so this shouldn’t have happened to you more than once. Nothing will change until you speak up.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

To receive a collection of Abby’s most memorable — and most frequently requested — poems and essays, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby — Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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