Dear Abby: I’m 25 and engaged, but my parents don’t want me to move out

Woman craves some freedom and some respect from her mom and dad.

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DEAR ABBY: I am a 25-year-old woman. My fiance is 26. Both of us live at home with our parents but have decided to move out in a few months to an apartment. Although his parents have given their blessing, my parents are against it and keep trying to change my mind.

Abby, I have been wanting to leave for years. Both of us are experiencing tension living at home with our parents and trying to get along as adults. We feel it’s time for us to move out, and we also crave our freedom. We are tired of my parents not regarding me as an adult capable of making her own decisions. What should I do? I don’t want them getting in the way on move-in day. — GROWN WOMAN IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR WOMAN: It’s time for you and your fiance to sit down together with your parents. Tell them you love them, but you are no longer minors. You are both well into adulthood, and it is time for you to live independently. Then give them the date you plan to move your belongings and stick to it. A way to ensure that they won’t get in your way on moving day would be to enlist the assistance of some friends to help you make the move.

DEAR ABBY: Recently, I took my two sons to a cooking class. The instructor, a married woman and mother, was very friendly and nice. She kept telling me I was “beautiful” and how lucky my boys are to have such a beautiful mom. She also kept calling me “my love.” I found it peculiar, but didn’t give it a lot of thought because I presumed she was being friendly and I know some people speak that way. I am more reserved. I save words like “love” for people I truly love (my kids and husband).

However, my husband was upset that I didn’t ask her to stop. He said he felt I disrespected him because I allowed someone else to call me “my love.” Had she been a man, I’d understand his feelings, but I saw no harm in it. Am I wrong for not having spoken up? — WAR OF WORDS IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR W.O.W.: Your husband is overreacting. The woman was not being disrespectful. She went overboard trying to pay you a compliment. All you had to do was smile and say, “Thank you very much, but you are making me uncomfortable. Please. No more.”

DEAR ABBY: We gave our daughter-in-law a $100 check for her birthday, as she is hard to shop for. That was 11 1/2 months ago. When we went over there the other day, we saw our check stuck to the fridge door. Of course, it is now stale. Her birthday is coming up in two weeks. Any suggestions of what we should do this time? — MEANS WELL IN ARIZONA

DEAR MEANS WELL: Point out to your daughter-in-law that you noticed the check you gave her for her last birthday hadn’t been cashed, and ask why. Take your cues from her answer. If she doesn’t need the money, send her a nice card she can plaster onto her refrigerator next to the outdated check.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order “How to Be Popular.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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