Dear Abby: Goddaughter goes silent after I break wedding promise

She was supposed to be the maid of honor but lost the role after a change of plans. Now she’s getting married and her godmother wants to mend fences.

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DEAR ABBY: I have a lovely goddaughter I’m estranged from. Although I had promised her she would be maid of honor at my wedding in 2015 (my second marriage), I didn’t do it. My fiance was diagnosed with Huntington’s disease, so we decided instead to have a commitment ceremony. I felt bad but didn’t contact her right away to explain I wouldn’t have any attendants after all. It’s a blur now, but I think I emailed her or asked her mother (my dear friend) to tell her. My friend denies that her daughter is angry, but my goddaughter hasn’t spoken to me since 2015. She is now engaged.

I’d like to write her a letter, but I don’t know what to say. I was thinking of mailing it without telling my friend because, as I said, she still denies anything is wrong. I found the address on the internet. What do you think? I’m heartbroken knowing I cannot celebrate her upcoming wedding. — SADDENED IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR SADDENED: If you feel the need to write your goddaughter a letter explaining the legitimate reason you and your husband decided to forgo a formal wedding with attendants, do it. Your reason for changing your plans was a valid one. Although I’m sure things were hectic at the time you made that decision, it would have been better had you explained directly to her the reason for your abrupt change of plans. Because this is weighing on your mind, apologize for the delay in contacting her, tell her you were delighted when you heard about her forthcoming wedding and you would love to celebrate it with her. Then cross your fingers because the ball is in her court.

DEAR ABBY: I am having an issue with the lady who lives above me. I moved into my apartment a month ago because it seemed so quiet in the complex. Before signing the lease, I asked my landlord if the tenant above me is quiet because when you live on the first floor, you can sometimes hear everything going on above you. The landlord assured me that it was pretty quiet. A couple of weeks went by, and it was quiet until one Friday I heard this stomping noise above me. I thought it would go away.

Little did I know, the lady upstairs watches her two grandsons and another boy. Abby, this stomping around goes on all weekend, and it drives me crazy. I was tapping the ceiling to let her know it was getting too loud. She called our landlord and complained! My landlady is also a client of my daughter’s, who is a hairstylist, so I caught heck from my daughter, too. Must I just grin and bear it, or should I say something to the lady upstairs? — CAN’T LIVE LIKE THIS IN MICHIGAN

DEAR CAN’T LIVE LIKE THIS: When your landlady told you the renters upstairs were quiet, she lied and misled you. What you need to do now is get out of that lease. The quickest way to do that would be to consult a real estate attorney. You do not have to live like this, and your daughter should not be blaming you and siding with the person who is causing the problem.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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