Chicago says goodbye to the NFL draft, a show about nothing

This is it, Chicago. Our time in the sun is almost over. The NFL draft, which ventured out of New York last year to rescue us from our lonely existence, likely will go elsewhere in 2017. Once it packs up Saturday night, we’ll be left in total darkness. How we’ll survive, I do not know.

The draft is enormously popular, though asking why doesn’t always lead to easy answers. Imagine trying to explain the concept to someone unfamiliar with it.

Unenlightened one: “So you’re telling me that not only is the draft televised nationally for three days but that there is intense coverage of it for months beforehand?’’

You: “That’s correct. Thursday’s first round will be especially scrutinized.’’

Unenlightened one: “But didn’t you tell me that many first-round picks never amount to much?’’

You: “I did.’’

Unenlightened one: “So there’s a massive amount of buildup and intrigue over what is, in essence, an exercise in failure?’’

You: “No, it’s all about hope, possibility and a bunch people showing up at draft headquarters to boo the Giants’ and Jets’ picks.’’

Unenlightened one: “And cities like Chicago are willing to make all sorts of concessions to the NFL to host what is mostly a televised event? Isn’t that like the ‘Seinfeld’ episode about a show about nothing?’’

You: “According to the NFL, 200,000 people attended the draft events in Chicago last year. That’s a show about something.’’

Unenlightened one: “It’s clear that teams build their roster through the draft, but I’m not sure I understand the passion from fans. It sounds as if they react as emotionally to the draft as they do to a game.’’

You: “They do. They really root for their teams to draft certain players. A story: A Philadelphia radio station once rented a bus, bought a half-barrel of beer and tried to find the most rabid Eagles fans it could for a trip to the draft in New York. The station wanted those fans to politick loudly for the Eagles to take Texas running back Ricky Williams with the second pick overall. When the Eagles took Syracuse quarterback Donovan McNabb, the fans booed until their lungs burned.’’

Unenlightened fan: “Poor Mr. McNabb.’’

You: “It wasn’t all bad. When two seats on the bus weren’t filled, the station found a couple of homeless guys and took them along to New York. ‘You should have seen the amount of beer those guys drank,’ a radio host said. ‘They thought they had died and gone to heaven.’ ’’

Unenlightened one: “Seeing as how many NFL fans have never watched these players perform in college, the passion seems a little misplaced.’’

You: “Well, the fans certainly pay attention to the NFL Scouting Combine, which is also televised.’’

Unenlightened one: “What’s the Combine?’’

You: “That’s where all the NFL teams gather to watch prospective draftees run, jump and lift weights.’’

Unenlightened one: “Sounds like the YMCA at 8 in the morning. What’s the point?’’

You: “The teams can tell if someone is fast and strong, and can jump high.’’

Unenlightened one: “Do the fastest and strongest players turn out to be the best football players?’’

You: “Not necessarily.’’

Unenlightened one: “So it’s another show about nothing?’’

You: “On the contrary, players who might not have gotten a lot of attention in college can, through their performance at the Combine, really help their draft status.’’

Unenlightened one: “It sounds like the NFL is trying to make something scientific that is very unscientific.’’

You: “You’re very perceptive. One of the top two picks Thursday is expected to be quarterback Carson Wentz, who faced sub-par competition at North Dakota State. NFL teams like his “measurables.’’

Unenlightened one: “That sounds like a huge gamble for a team.’’

You: “It is, and if Wentz doesn’t pan out, the people who decided to choose him probably will lose their jobs.’’

Unenlightened one: “I guess I’m starting to understand why everyone is so passionate on draft day. Will fans be unhinged at the Auditorium Theatre on Thursday? Booing, foaming at the mouth, etc.?”

You: “I wouldn’t worry. The NFL pretends to find the booing quaint, but there will be no shortage of security personnel with tactical earpieces, ready to pounce on the first hint of anti-corporate behavior. That’s life.’’

Unenlightened one: “While I have you, what’s the meaning of life?’’

You: “You ask a lot of questions.’’

Unenlightened one: “Here’s another: Who is Curtis Enis?’’

You: “The Bears took him with the fifth overall pick of the 1998 draft. He was a major bust. Wait, how do you know about him? … Where did you say you were from?’’

Unenlightened one: “Sweden. But I’m staying with relatives in Green Bay.’’