We recently heard from IS IT ME OR IS IT HIM? She wondered if her husband was cheating when he was out of town.
“When I ask him about his business trips, his stories are full of inconsistencies,” she said. “Two and two are never four. I feel he’s not trustworthy.” She wondered if she were being paranoid.
I told her the quickest way to find out if he were cheating was to hire a private investigator to follow him when he’s on the road.
Here’s what you had to say . . .
CELINE: Instead of using a PI, which is expensive, she could use WebWatcher. You can see emails, instant messages, websites visited etc. It’s super quick, easy to install, and undetectable. Before I divorced, I needed to know for sure if my husband was cheating. I got all the proof I needed for $99.
MADLYN: If you can’t afford to hire a detective, consider saving up money and vacation time to “just show up” on one of his trips. Make it a wonderful surprise for him, like a special day for the two of you, and see his reaction. If he’s thrilled, you know he loves you. If he seems upset, look around for your problem.
I actually pulled a similar “love test” in two relationships I was in. Granted, both fellows were essentially self-employed and had control over their own schedules. I didn’t travel to another city, but I was concerned about their frequent “working late” mantras.
One fellow was barely polite when I showed up. I didn’t see another woman there, but he treated me like an annoyance. As far as I was concerned, it was over.
The other fellow was thrilled to see me. His whole face lit up like Christmas when he opened the door. He said he really didn’t have much time right then, but hang around and we’d go for a nightcap when he finished his project he was working on. Guess who I married?
KAI: You should ask yourself what it would take, what would your husband have to do, in order for you to trust him. I think the real answer is that you will never trust him, no matter what.
If the private detective found nothing, you would always believe that the detective missed something, or your husband was cheating on every trip except the ones where the detective was watching him.
I think most people, if they were repeatedly called a liar and a cheater with no real proof, would stop giving “input” into the relationship because what would be the point? Maybe being cross examined and accused of lying is not a turn-on for your husband. If you don’t trust him, you should not be married to him.
CANDY: I hired a private detective to follow my husband and see if he was cheating. I learned everything I needed to know, including pictures, and it was very helpful in getting a very nice settlement. He didn’t want those pictures seen around town or shown to our children.
(I wouldn’t have done it; just the threat of it was enough.)
Have you ever hired a private detective to check up on a partner? How did it turn out? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to firstname.lastname@example.org.
And check out my new ebook, “Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front.”