Dear Abby: Advice for a mom no longer in love with her husband

Readers suggest beginning therapy, seeing a gynecologist or just sticking it out.

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DEAR ABBY: Your reader “Jumbled in Ohio” (Aug. 10) indicated that her lack of interest in her husband started about a year after the birth of her second child. You recommended counseling, which is needed, but you should also have recommended she talk to a medical doctor, especially one who specializes in hormone imbalance. I’ve been there! Luckily, with the help of both doctors (counseling and medical), I was able to regain my interest in sex and once again enjoy my husband’s attention.

Don’t pass up on a good partner. The grass is not greener on the other side. My husband and I will celebrate our 50th anniversary in 2020. I thank God every day for the help I received. — GRATEFUL IN THE SOUTH

DEAR GRATEFUL: Thank you for your comments, which were echoed by other readers who recommended “Jumbled” see her OB-GYN and look into whether birth control pills could also be a factor for the change in her feelings. (Readers wondered if she had been on the pill, went off it to have her two children and then went back on it.) Read on:

DEAR ABBY: “Jumbled” should see her gynecologist. Her hormones may be out of whack. It happened to me. My doctor gave me a low-dose testosterone prescription, which made all the difference in the world. — YVONNE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ABBY: As someone who has been married almost 50 years, I can honestly say I have fallen in — and out of — love with my husband many times. Each individual is responsible for his/her own happiness. You can’t rely on someone else to make you happy. Together we have faced many adversities. It hasn’t always been easy, but the effort has been worth it. We have raised two wonderful daughters, both of whom have families and careers. — PATRICIA IN INDIANA

DEAR ABBY: I liked that you highlighted the importance of considering the onset of “Jumbled’s” feelings about her marriage — the all-important “Why now?” question. Perhaps the young mother, with her 3- and 5-year-old children, is chronically fatigued or even depressed because of the incessant demands of caring for them. Even mild depression can skew one’s outlook on everything, including one’s marriage. — DENISE IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR ABBY: I was 25 with an 18-month-old son. My husband was also a good man, husband and father, but I felt I no longer loved him as I should. I told him I wanted a divorce, and he asked me to go to a marriage counselor with him. She directed me to a psychiatrist who in turn sent me to my medical doctor with a request to check my thyroid function. Diagnosis: overactive thyroid. Treatment: partial thyroidectomy. Result: an amazing change in my thinking/feelings and another 43 years of a very good, loving marriage. — WISE IN WISCONSIN

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

To receive a collection of Abby’s most memorable — and most frequently requested — poems and essays, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby — Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.

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