DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law “June” is being married soon. I will be the matron of honor. My husband, “Jake,” June’s brother, will be a groomsman for her fiance, “Jimmy.” Not only is Jake going to be a groomsman, but he’s also supposed to officiate.
Jake went to the bachelor party a couple weeks ago and Jimmy showed all the guys — including my husband — eight (!) naked pictures a girl from work had texted him. He asked my husband if he should tell June about it before the wedding or after, and Jake said he should tell her right away.
Should my husband tell June or leave it up to Jimmy, who may or may not do it? (We don’t know what his plans may be about the girl who sent the pictures.) — LOOKING FOR THE RIGHT THING TO DO
DEAR LOOKING: Jimmy may or may not have “plans” for a fling with the woman who texted him the pictures — or it may have already happened. (He could also be an immature braggart, which is why he shared the photos with the other “stags” at the party.)
Because Jake now has concerns about Jimmy’s character, he should reiterate to Jimmy that if June isn’t told before she makes a lifetime commitment, he will tell her. He should also refuse to officiate at a wedding he fears may be a huge mistake.
DEAR ABBY: My husband has late stage dementia and is in a long-term care center. He had several affairs during our marriage, and if the tables were turned, I’m sure he would be involved with other women while I was receiving care. I realize I should have left him years ago. I visit him several times a month but not every day. I do it out of commitment, not love. Sometimes I feel guilty for not going more often.
I guess I’m asking you for permission to see him when I have time but not every day. I also would like to encourage people who have lost faith in their spouse to make the break before any serious illness sets in. I have no interest in finding another man, but I feel tied down with the burden of seeing him through to the end. — HANGING IN THERE IN OHIO
DEAR HANGING IN: Have a realistic talk with that conscience of yours. Surely the two of you can reach a compromise. This is not the time to punish your husband for his infidelity.
Under the circumstances, because you don’t feel your husband deserves to be visited daily, visit a couple of times a week to ensure that he is being properly looked after. And if he isn’t, make it your mission to ensure the situation is remedied, as you would want someone to do for you.
DEAR ABBY: This is embarrassing. I am 30 and don’t drive. I have extreme anxiety and a learning disorder that affects my visual spatial perception. I try to hide this as much as possible, but I’m worried the truth will come out. Should I disclose it to employers? New friends? Acquaintances? — PANICKED IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR PANICKED: If there is a medical reason for your inability to perform certain tasks, your employer should be informed. However, I see no reason to reveal this to acquaintances or new friends. Fewer people drive these days, and many of them don’t because of the expense involved or access to public transportation.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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