COMMERCE CITY, CO - APRIL 21: David Beckham #23 of the Los Angeles Galaxy looks on as he warms up prior to facing the Colorado Rapids at Dick’s Sporting Goods Park on April 21, 2012 in Commerce City, Colorado. (Photo by Doug Pensinger/Getty Images) R:MerlinGetty_Photos143228758.jpg

Rahm ’em …

Don’t mess with Rahm.

Mayor Rahm Emanuel is no Joker.

â—† Translation: Emanuel was portrayed as a Joker (in the vain of the latest Batman flick) on a May Day protester’s lapel button Tuesday beneath the shadows of Loop federal buildings.

â—† Memo to the 1,000-plus demonstrators protesting everything from deportation policies to wealth disparity: Mayor Emanuel intends to have the last laugh if things turn violent during the upcoming NATO summit.

Scoopsville …

The Rahmster has done it again!

â—† To wit: Mayor Emanuel, the political powerhouse who still advises President Barack Obama, has snagged CIA Director David Petraeus as grand marshal of Chicago’s Memorial Day parade on May 26 – three days after the NATO summit clears out of the city.

â—† Side chide: “If there’s any clean-up to be done … or rabble rousers still hanging around, Petraeus, a four star U.S. Army General, would be the guy you’d want,” quipped a Sneed source.

â—† The stats: Emanuel will march side by side with Petraeus, who made headlines as leader of our troops in Iraq and Afghanistan.

â—† Back chat: As Petraeus gained fame for his overseas performance, he had to assure a then White House chief-of-staff Emanuel that he had no political ambitions. It was President Obama, who appointed Petraeus, a hero to many, to head the CIA replacing Leon Panetta, who is now Secretary of Defense.

â—† Watch for Petraeus, who will be accompanied by his wife, Holly, to join Mayor Emanuel at a wreath laying ceremony at the eternal flame in Daley Plaza and attend a breakfast honoring the families of military members killed in action.

Mitt musings …

Bla bla blah: The longtime press entourage accompanying the GOP presidential frontrunner call themselves “The Romtourage.”

Get it? Forget it.

A Kirk update …

Tit for tat? Sneed presumes U.S. Sen. Mark Kirk dispatched a condolence note to Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, who just lost his 102-year-old father, Ben-Zion, who was avidly anti-Palestine. Kirk told a Sneed source Netanyahu had contacted him to wish him well during his rehab recovery recently. We’re still waiting for a call back from Kirk’s office.

The Clinton corner …

Bill & Barack: It’s no secret the two are not close.

â—† The flipside: But if you are wondering why former President Bill Clinton is hitting the campaign trail big time for President Barack Obama – well, why not … if your wife, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, is going to run for President in 2016 … and if Bill didn’t campaign for Barack … Obama supporters would remember.

A Rodman report …

$$$$: Former Chicago Bull Dennis “The Worm” Rodman, 51, who is now sporting green hair – but minus the greenbacks to pay child support – is hooping in China for a paycheck.

â—† To wit: Rodman and former NBA star Allen Iverson are two of the main attractions of the NBA Legends Tour which just kicked off a two-week stint in China.

â—† The hoop poop: Rodman, who reportedly has a drinking problem which has led to poor life choices, played 20 minutes and scored two points in Monday’s victory against the Beijing Ducks. Be still my tongue.

Ya gotta be kidding …

One brick short of a load? A half bubble off plumb? What is missing here?

â—† Translation: Now comes word Octomom, aka Nadya Suleman – the mother of 16 children – is entertaining a financial proposal to cut a porno film – as long as there is no kissing involved!

Sneed is speechless.

Sneedlings …

Wednesday’s birthdays: Lily Allen, 27; David Beckham, 37; Dwayne Johnson, 40; Bianca Jagger, 67; Lesley Gore, 66; Christine Baranski, 60, and Theodore Bikel, 88.

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